Are you in a rocky relationship?  Feeling resentful, anxious, distant, or lonely in your situation?  Whether you have been dating two months or married 10 years, things can go south all too easily in a couple.  Yet there is nothing quite as painful as when things are falling apart, when you know that your love might be lost forever.  Can I turn it all around, you wonder?  Is it even possible now?

Well I have great news for you.  It is possible.  If you have the courage to go for it.  All you need is to follow my three simple steps and you can become super happy with your partner.  Here is the three-step secret sauce, adapted from my new paperback, Sealing the Deal: The Love Mentor’s Guide to Lasting Love. It’s on sale now and comes with 30 awesome bonus gifts which you can claim at www.lovein90days.com/your-bonus-gifts

1.   Identify what I call your Relationship-Killer Beliefs.  These are beliefs like, “All men are jerks,” which kick in when you are in love that cause you to go on emotional rants in your mind instead of dealing with what is actually happening. Let’s look at a Relationship-Killer belief in action described in an email that Joanne, one of my readers recently sent me:

Dear Dr. Diana,

Sealing the Deal just saved my relationship. I was ready to break up with my boyfriend of 10 months because he was recently divorced and not meeting my emotional needs. I was out of town for the holidays and contemplating if this would be the last time we would be together. When I got to his house he had a big smile on his face and was so loving… but that wasn’t good enough for me. I had to punish him for all the times he wasn’t loving so I was standoffish.

  While sitting next to him watching the football game, I began reading your book, Sealing the Deal. I had already read Love in 90 Days. I read for several hours while completely ignoring his love and advances, something I’m always complaining that he doesn’t give me enough of. I finally got to the killer beliefs.  I had killer belief #5 “This is not exactly right.” and #6 “Relationships mean that one person has to give him- or her-self up”. But what really hit home was the research that unhappy couples discount their mate’s actions because they don’t think they have good intentions. BINGO! That has been me all the way. I want my boyfriend to behave a certain way and when he does, instead of encouraging him and being happy, I punish him because he wasn’t doing it all along! I am so thankful that he has loved me enough to not throw me out on my butt.  The first light bulb just came on! Because of all my killer beliefs in action we went to bed with a little tension between us. I kept laying there thinking, Joanne, you are so blowing it here. I also kept thinking negatively about my boyfriend lying right next to me and all he doesn’t do.  

2. After you have identified your Killer Beliefs, like Joanne did, journal about them and compare them to what is truly going on in your relationship. Let’s continue with her breakthrough story.

I got up about 3 a.m. because I couldn’t sleep because of a sudden head cold. I took your book into the kitchen with me and read it while getting some cold medicine. I wrote down my Killer beliefs and then made out a long list of all the great loving things my boyfriend had done.  I felt freed of an enormous burden.

 3. Create what I call a Love Intention, which is a one statement affirmation about the kind of super happy relationship you would like to create. If it feels right, also help create one for your partner. Let’s see how Joanne did it:

Then I got to the part about creating a Love Intention and focusing on what you “want” instead of what you don’t have. I created the love intention, “Jon and I have an exciting, fulfilling, growing, passionate, and nurturing relationship.” I kept meditating on this. When I got a negative thought about my boyfriend, I pushed it aside and mentally repeated the intention. Then I decided to make one for my boyfriend who is always trying to explain to me that he loves me but he needs his man time. I went back to bed.

 When we woke up I told him about my love intention and that anytime I had a negative thought about him or our relationship that I am going to meditate on my intention instead of what I don’t have. Then I told him that I created one for him to which he quickly replied, “You can’t do that.” But then I said,” Just hear it. I told him that the the love intention I created for him was, “Joanne and I have a growing relationship that is balanced with the perfect amount of togetherness and independence.” He loved it! He only wanted to add one thing. He said put “happy” in there so that it would read “a growing and happy relationship.” He kept saying it over and over until he memorized it. Then he said, “That really empowers me.”

 The rest of the morning was beautiful. We talked in bed. He made me breakfast. I put on cute clothes, fixed my hair, and put on a little makeup (something he likes). He told me I was so sexy. He was so attentive and loving (what I want). He asked me if I wanted to workout with him at my gym tomorrow (he’s hasn’t asked me that in 4 months).  When I was leaving he gave me a big hug and told me he’d call me later to see if I needed anything for my cold. Diana…. everything I wanted just materialized by making a shift in my thinking which came from following your book. I now realize that my man isn’t the problem, I am the problem! Over analyzing, being negative, and pushing him away.  I am so thankful to your book and that I picked it up and started reading it at just the right time. If not, I would have let this good man go.

So there you have it.   Use these three simple steps, Identifying your Relationship-Killer Beliefs; Journaling about them and what is happening in your relationship; and creating a Love Intention for you (and possibly your partner).  Then go ahead and enjoy your super happy love!

For more on Relationship-Killer beliefs, how to go from casual to committed, and how to move from love problems to solutions that deepen any love relationship (even after cheating), pick up a copy of Sealing the Deal: The Love Mentor’s Guide to Lasting Love.  It’s on sale now and comes with 30 awesome bonus gifts which you can claim at www.lovein90days.com/your-bonus-gifts

Wishing you love,

Dr. Diana

Diana Kirschner, Ph.D. is a frequent guest psychologist on The Today Show & author of the highly acclaimed relationship advice book, “Sealing the Deal: The Love Mentor’s Guide to Lasting Love” as well as the best-selling dating advice book, “Love in 90 Days.” Dr. Diana’s revolutionary work is the basis of her PBS Special on love and dating. Connect with Dr. Diana through her FREE Relationship Tips and Dating Advice Newsletter.

Dating Advice for Women

This dating advice for women blog is an interview with one of our awesome professional Love Mentors®, Tamara Green, LCSW. She is licensed in New York State as a Certified Social Worker and a member of the National Association of Social Workers for 23 years. Tamara’s background and training in mental health, certified hypnotherapy, and belief management allows her to employ powerful techniques such as hypnosis, guided meditation, and experiential exercises as a dating coach.  Nationally recognized, she lectures, and facilitates teleconference groups and workshops.  Now here is an interview with Tamara on how to be irresistibly attractive to guys:

Can you be attractive without being a size 4 or over age 35?

Absolutely! I have a wonderful Love Mentee, ‘Sally,’ who is about 50lbs overweight and in her 50’s. Almost every man she meets asks her out, she’s so appealing. In the last year, 4 men have asked her for an exclusive relationship. This is someone who had trouble getting even one date. Now she’s a dating queen!

How did your Love Mentee do that?

She certainly didn’t start off as a man magnet. When she began Love Mentoring®, she had a host of negative self talk about her looks, her weight, her age and even her health issues. She would say things to me like, “I’m too unattractive to men”, “Men want thinner women”, “I’m too old”, “No man wants a woman with a back problem”…….. I explained to her that she was operating from a very negative identity when she had these thoughts. So, the first order of business was to create an identity that was beautiful, fantastic and very alluring to men. In Love Mentoring, we call this the Diamond Self Identity.

News Flash:  Tune into Tamara as she is interviewed on the nuts and bolts of how to become irresistibly attractive to men on our Love in 90 Days- Blogtalk radio show, live on December 20!   (And archived thereafter!)  To listen, Click Here!

Can you talk more about this “Diamond Self Identity?”

Sure, helping people identify and access their Diamond Self is something I am very passionate about. What I’m talking about here is our true identity that we all have, otherwise known as our Higher Self or our True Self – it’s who we really are. We are all born as this Diamond Self being – so alive, passionate, curious, appreciative and compassionate, to name a few. But what happens over the years is that we have these experiences which cause us to believe certain things about ourselves, often times negative beliefs. These negative beliefs then become something that we identify with so much, we believe that THAT is who we really are. For instance, Sally really believed that she was very unattractive and that men wouldn’t be interested in her. She was operating from the identity of “Unattracttive Sally”, which, of course, made her feel terrible – really low. Through her “inner work” with me, she was able to realize that she wasn’t unattractive at all. In fact, I remember her saying, “Wait a minute, there really are some very attractive things about me – my eyes, my smile, my hair!” I knew that she was getting it. So, she replaced her “I am too unattractive to men” thought/belief and switched to “Men find me very attractive.”, which made her feel great! She then crafted her Diamond Self Name.

The Diamond Self Name?

Yes. In Love Mentorng®, we have a wonderful exercise called the Diamond Self Exercise. It helps you to access your True Self. What’s really fun is that you get to give your Diamond Self a name, a really grand name.  Sally’s is ‘Luscious and Alluring Venus.’ Isn’t that great?! Saying that name always makes me smile, as should any Diamond Self Name. So now, she doesn’t leave her home as “Unattractive Sally” any longer. She struts out of her door as Luscious and Alluring Venus (LAV)!!! You can even hear the difference in her voice. LAV has a great energy to her!!

Before, you mentioned “Inner Work”. Can you explain that?

Sure. Inner work is the deep, emotional work. It’s about self love.  If you can imagine that your Diamond Self is a helium balloon. This balloon is light and very floaty, always moving up, up, up. Well, whenever we have a negative belief, a complaint, a resentment, a guilt, etc, it becomes a tiny hole in that balloon. What happens over the years is that the balloon becomes more and more deflated. The Inner Work is patching up those holes, those leaks, so that the balloon can mend and heal and fly up, up, up again – as it was originally intended. I strongly believe that my purpose in life to help mend these leaks for people, so that they can live the life of their dreams. Now, that’s inner work. There’s also something called Outer Work.

Tell us about Outer Work.

Outer Work is all of the stuff we do to look good on the outside, which always us feel better about ourselves in the inside. Sally, for instance, wasn’t wearing makeup, jewelry or updated and trendy clothes. When she went food shopping, she looked frumpy in her sweats and T-shirt. Even at work, she didn’t wear make-up or jewelry. Sally has gorgeous thick long brown hair that she wore in a ponytail. I had her go to a salon and get a trendy cut. Now her hair is free, soft and flowy and the whispy bangs frame her face beautifully. She is back to wearing a little mascara and lip gloss and a little jewelry. I had her promise me not to wear the sweats out of her house, and now she walks into the supermarket and dry cleaners in nice jeans or simple dresses. She looks younger, feels younger and, of course, feels so much better about herself. She told me that she used to avoid mirrors. Now when she looks in the mirror, she is pleasantly surprised by how good she looks.

News Flash:  Tune into dating & relationship coach Tamara as she is interviewed on dating advice for women–how to become irresistibly attractive on our Love in 90 Days- Blogtalk radio show, live on December 20!   (And archived thereafter!)  To listen, Click Here!

Sally has really done some great Inner and Outer Work! Now, how does she actually meet these great guys?

Great question. Every where she goes, she now sees herself as the LAV. She does her Diamond Self Exercise before she walks out the door and reminds herself who she really is. Now that she has accessed her Diamond Self, she operates from that identity in everything that she does. Sally’s amazing. She uses every opportunity to meet men. For instance, Sally does a lot of travel in the U.S. for her job. One day, she was walking into a restaurant and this man was walking in at the same time. Seeing that he was alone, she very brightly said, “Hi, how are you today?!”. The surprised man warmly smiled back and said, “Much better now!” He quickly asked if they could sit together. They had a great meal together, laughing and telling stories of their travels. They have now been dating for 2 months, and I might add he’s very smitten with her, too.

Why do men find women who operate from their Diamond Selves so irresistible?

Who can resist someone who really likes who they are? Not in a conceited way, but really likes their own company. Men can tell right away that she has great energy, really has fun in her life and has so much to offer. Men want to be loved just as much as women do. Who could love them better than someone who loves herself and her life. Also, men are hardwired to help make their partner happy. They are happy when their partner is happy. I hear it all of the time from men, “I just want her to be happy”. Most men feel that way. So, when a men meets a woman who is already happy to be who she is, he can relax and just enjoy her and not feel any pressure to help her become happy.

Thank you, Tamara! You can get your own one-on-one free 40 minute Love Mentoring® Session with Tamara  by phone or Skype! Just click here  & fill out the form, requesting Tamara.  Hurry–her time will fill up quickly!

Tune into Tamara as she is interviewed on our Love in 90 Days- Blogtalk radio show, live on December 20!   (And archived thereafter!)  To listen,Click Here!

“How To Be Irresistibly Attractive (Without Being Thinner Or Younger)” -The dating advice for women interview with Love Mentor® Tamara Green

DATE: Tuesday, December 20, 2011      TIME: 5:00 pm Pacific/8:00pm Eastern for one hour

COST: No charge  JOIN US LIVE VIA: Telephone, Skype, and Replay Access-Click Here For Details

     In this free dating advice for women seminar you will discover . . .

• How your negative beliefs can make you unattractive -
• How positive beliefs can make you GORGEOUS -
• How to present your best self -
• How to love yourself, just the way you are now -
• How to identify your True or Diamond Self -
• How to operate from that Diamond Self to attract men -
• Why men find women who operate from their Diamond Self irresistible

Please interact with us live during the show by visiting:  Facebook.com/DrDianaKirschner
Twitter.com/drdiana or Blog Talk Radio Chat

Thank you, Tamara, for your wise words and dating advice for women. If you would like a free 40-minute love mentoring session  by phone or Skype with Tamara, click hereor go to www.lovein90days.com/coaching and ask for Tamara on the form. For more information about this and future Love Mentoring® Seminars please visit-
http://www.lovementoring.com

Wishing you love,

Dr. Diana

♥Dating Tips & Relationship Advice from My Heart to Yours♥

Diana Kirschner, Ph.D. is a frequent guest psychologist on The Today Show & author of the highly acclaimed relationship advice book, “Sealing the Deal: The Love Mentor’s Guide to Lasting Love” as well as the best-selling dating advice book, “Love in 90 Days.” Dr. Diana’s revolutionary work is the basis of her PBS Special on love and dating for over 50s. Connect with Dr. Diana through her FREE Relationship Tips and Dating Advice Newsletter.

Dating Advice, Relationship Tips & Sex Secrets 

OK, while I don’t think that having sex is a great idea before you have a serious committed relationship, once you do, it is an entirely different matter.   Once you are in committed love, sex is very important to make your relationship last and get even better over time.   Sex releases endorphins, which elevate mood and lower stress and pain levels. After having sex, each partner associates feeling good with the other. Testosterone, the sexual hormone engine for both men and women, also generates feelings of connection. And finally, having sex drives up levels of oxytocin (the cuddle, tend & befriend hormone), which explains why for many men, (and women) having sex is usually synonymous with feeling intimate and close. So how do you create great sex?  Read on for some top sex secrets!

Four Top Sex Secrets– Part One

Sex Secret #1–Novelty

Dopamine is  one of the infatuation brain chemicals that gives us that awesome over-the-moon feeling.  It is produced when we first fall in love and then through new and  novel activities keep dopamine infatuation going. Well, nothing keeps the dopamine going more than novelty in bed. So sex secret #1 is: vary the places you make love, vary the way you set the stage through candlelight, a bubble bath, feathers, sex toys, whipped cream, or new kinds of lingerie and sexy outfits. Vary your foreplay and try different sexual positions. You might end up laughing yourselves silly as you experiment. Neither my husband nor I is a gymnast, so some of the Kama Sutra is a laugh riot for us.  The most important sex secret is: Take it all as fun and games. In the end, make sure that both of you are fully satisfied no matter whether that’s achieved orally, manually, or through intercourse.

Sex is a wonderful gift to be enjoyed and shared by both of you. Good, frequent sex promotes your own physical and mental health, that of your man, and the vitality of the relationship. Among other things, it is associated with a reduced incidence of breast cancer in women who have never had a child, more restful sleep, greater pain relief, elevation of mood, looking younger, overall fitness, longevity, and happiness! Researchers have found that there are three primary ways in which couples interact with each other sexually: sexual trance, partner engagement, and role play. Sex secret #2 is about sexual trance.

Sex Secret #2 — Sexual Trance

• Sexual trance involves an inward focus where each partner focuses on his or her own pleasure and sensations and creates a fulfilling sexual release. In win–win sex, each of you is pleasured and finds a strong release in orgasm. Learn by experimenting so that you know what works for him and what works for you.  This is an important sex secret.
• In order to learn what works for him, try touching, massaging, licking, or stimulating all the different parts of his body. Observe and ask him questions about what feels good. Try different sexual acts, variations of intercourse positions, and, most important, oral sex. Virtually all men adore oral sex.  This is what men really want. If you have a problem with this, consider the fact that if your man showers, chances are his mouth has more germs than his penis does!
• Ultimately you are responsible for knowing your body and creating the conditions for your own sexual pleasure. You can work on sexual trance by using what sex therapists call sensate focus. This simple but effective sex secret technique requires only that you be in an undisturbed place where you playfully touch and stimulate different parts of your body and learn about what sensations feel good to you.
• My sex advice is, the more you know about your own body, the better your lover will be able to please you. Guide him by saying positive things like, “I love it when you stroke my breast gently.” Or “I would love you to use your magic mouth on my tummy and work your way down.”  This is a critical sex secret.

You can learn much more about sex secrets and creating passionate lasting love in my relationship advice book, “Sealing the Deal: The Love Mentor’s Guide to Lasting Love.”  So pick up a copy.   And we will deal with two more top sex secrets, partner engagement & role play,  in Part Two of this Blog!  Watch for it!  Everyone can use a little sex advice to spice up their lives!

Wishing you love,

Dr. Diana

♥Dating Tips & Relationship Advice from My Heart to Yours♥

Diana Kirschner, Ph.D. is a frequent guest psychologist on The Today Show & author of the highly acclaimed new relationship advice book, “Sealing the Deal: The Love Mentor’s Guide to Lasting Love” as well as the best-selling dating advice book, “Love in 90 Days.” Dr. Diana’s revolutionary work is the basis of her PBS Special on love. Connect with Dr. Diana through her FREE Relationship Tips and Dating Advice Newsletter.

Cornell artificial intelligence scientists hooked up ‘male’ & ‘female’ real deal robotic computers called chatbots  so that they could talk to each other.  And what did they get?  An argument of course!  Here is the vid–it is hysterically funny!! After you’re done, scroll down and watch my relationship coaching session for them.

And now, here is my relationship coaching session for these two Chatbots!

Wishing you love,

Dr. Diana

♥Relationship Advice from My Heart to Yours♥

Diana Kirschner, Ph.D. is a frequent guest psychologist on The Today Show & author of the highly acclaimed new relationship advice book, “Sealing the Deal: The Love Mentor’s Guide to Lasting Love” as well as the best-selling dating advice book, “Love in 90 Days.” Dr. Diana’s revolutionary work is the basis of her PBS Special on love. Connect with Dr. Diana through her FREE Relationship Tips and Dating Advice Newsletter.

Relationship & Dating Advice for Women Blog Series

This relationship advice blog is an interview with one of our awesome professional Love Mentors® Lindsey Halpern-Givens. Lindsey is  a Board Certified Chaplain with the Association of Professional Chaplains and a member of the American Counseling Association, as well as being a Licensed Clinical Professional Counselor in the State of Illinois.  She is  also in a long term happy marriage!

1. What is the single most important thing you personally do to be happy?
I work on remembering that I’m writing the story of my life. I am the author and get to give voice and action to my story. It’s sort of like the screenwriter who writes a movie. I might not like the way the story is going but  can see where I’ve made choices that are not always the best, choices that have not  helped me to be in a good  relationship. In that case I can do a ‘rewrite.’ I am responsible for my actions. I can choose!

2. What is a simple step our readers can take to create change in their lives?

Start small. When you try to go on a diet you can’t lose 50 pounds overnight! Choose to make one small change and then stick with it. Think about it before you begin. For example- if you want to give up cookies, you’d clear them out of your house before you began to make that change.  Then you can feel that first victory.  Starting small and finding success is a great way to build confidence and make more and bigger changes.

3. Can anyone really be happy?

I think happiness is fleeting, but a sense of joy that lives within us — I believe that is lasting! It comes when we meet challenges, when we work with others to create something larger than what we could do on our own. When we pet an animal or spend time with a friend.  When we get or give help for something.  When we find our soul mate there is a sense that we are connected to something larger than ourselves.  Which brings happiness and lasting joy.

4. Does love really make us happy?

Love creates a sense of being joyfully connected to that spark of the divine in us. When we make such a strong connection to another person we see that divine spark in our partner too. It helps us  feel fully alive.

5. What is it about mentoring® that helps a woman?

Knowing that she doesn’t have to be alone in navigating the dating world and that she has help in figuring out how to communicate with a man is very empowering. A Love Mentor is different than a friend. A Mentor has training and holds you accountable in a way that friends and family do not.   It’s  a different kind of support. We all need our friends and family, but would you call a friend who knows nothing about roofing to fix your leaky roof? Love Mentors™ are trained to assist and support women (and men) who just need a bit of encouragement and help to find their partner. My clients tell me that working with me is an great investment they make in themselves and their future.  It makes me so joyful when they find the dating and relationship success they long for!

6. What’s one mistake that you wish women wouldn’t make?

Many of my clients have the mistaken belief that they must control their partner or date  so that he is the way THEY think he should be. This keeps them from knowing who he is and appreciating the relationship. It also keeps women from living a real life and instead stuck in a fantasy that creates drama and conflict. I think women do this because they think that controlling or guiding a relationship will avoid conflict. It actually does the opposite. Solving problems brings love partners closer together. It moves their relationship forward and allows for deeper communication!

7. How do you help women get out of bad relationships?

Ending a relationship is difficult for women in particular. We tend to be ‘nice’ and we don’t like hurting anyone’s feelings. So we are often unprepared for the variety of feelings we experience in the process. It is OK to give yourself permission to feel the sadness, anger, fear, and pain associated with an ending. Denying those feelings or keeping them inside will only prolong them. Recognize that guilt, self-blame, and bargaining are defenses we use against feeling out of control. But there are some endings we can’t control because we can’t control another person’s behavior or their feelings. All we can do is be responsible for our own.

♥News Flash!  Join us live for a Free Love Mentoring® Seminar on  “How To Be Happy for No Reason – (and Get The Love You Want!)”  With Love Mentor® Lindsey Halpern Givens

DATE: Tuesday, October 18^th, 2011
TIME: 5:00pm pacific/8:00pm eastern for one hour
COST: No charge
JOIN US LIVE BY: Telephone, Skype, and Replay Access-

Click Here For Details – http://tobtr.com/s/2400165

Thank you, Lindsey for your wise words and great relationship advice. If you would like a free 40-minute love mentoring session with Lindsey, click here or go to www.lovein90days.com/coaching.

Wishing you love,

Dr. Diana

♥Dating Tips & Relationship Advice from My Heart to Yours♥

Diana Kirschner, Ph.D. is a frequent guest psychologist on The Today Show & author of the highly acclaimed new relationship advice book, “Sealing the Deal: The Love Mentor’s Guide to Lasting Love” as well as the best-selling dating advice book, “Love in 90 Days.” Dr. Diana’s revolutionary work is the basis of her PBS Special on love. Connect with Dr. Diana through her FREE Relationship Tips and Dating Advice Newsletter.