Dating Advice for Women

Today’s blog is written by one of our awesome professional Love Mentors®, Karen Holland.  Karen is a Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist who specializes in working with couples and individuals getting in and out of relationships.  She helps couples create passionate, fulfilling relationships.  Karen also helps singles heal from broken hearts and  find the relationship of their dreams. Now here’s Karen on how a simple change in one of her mentee’s minds (a woman named Alicia) led to the relationship of her dreams.

For the last couple of years, I’ve been walking by a yard with a dog that was tied up to a post with a six foot chain.  The dog would run in the same circular pattern, limited by the length of his chain.  Recently, I noticed that the owners built a large kennel giving the dog free rein to run much farther and in any direction it pleased.  Yet, the dog still runs in exactly the same way, in a small circular space.

It got me thinking about the power of limiting beliefs.   I mean, they’re just thoughts, right?  They don’t actually limit our physical reality but we sure behave as if they do, much like the dog on the invisible chain.  We create limiting beliefs in response to circumstances, usually the painful ones.   And, even though as human beings we have a remarkable ability to heal, we tend to respond to new experiences through this limited point of view and then our behaviors and experiences never actually change.

Before we get to a wonderful dating advice story about how Karen helped Alicia escape her limiting belief about men I want you to take advantage of this free offer.  If you would like a free 40-minute love mentoring session  by phone or Skype with Karen, click here or go to www.lovein90days.com/coaching and ask for Karen on the form.  Now back to our story:

One of my dear mentees, Alicia, a lovely plus-size gal, got her heart broken bad!  She developed the relationship killing beliefs that she was “unlovable” and “Men are jerks.”  In the context of these limiting beliefs, when she started to date again, she only saw men as either jerks or, if she really liked a guy, started to worry he wouldn’t be interested in her.  And, guess what?  She ignored some really great men (or pushed them away with her anxiety) and only focused on the ones who really were jerks. And boy, were there jerks who came into her life!!  So, like the dog in the wide open kennel, the world started to occur in a very limiting way even though in reality there were way more possibilities for her.

To break out of her pattern and become free from the chain to her past, I helped Alicia 1) Truly let go of the past painful experiences through forgiveness, finding the larger meaning and being grateful for what the experience taught her and 2) Learn to create more empowering, positive beliefs about her present and future.  I taught her to truly see the present for what it is—a wide open space for her to run and play in any direction she pleases.

In this context, I’m sure you can guess what happened to Alicia. Suddenly, Alicia was overwhelmed with responses from some really terrific men.  And, now she is with a truly wonderful man in the relationship of her dreams. He texts her daily, took her on an awesome trip to the Big Apple, bought her an emerald ring and they are making some serious future plans.

If you find yourself thinking the same negative thoughts or having the same negative experiences over and over, check to see if the chain is still there before coming to any conclusions about your actual reality.   Journal about the thoughts that are chaining you down.  Are they really true?  Is there any other way to look at your situation that might be more freeing, or feel better?   Write those thought down.  If they make you feel good, post them where you will see them daily.  You’ll find that you really can get the life and love you want!

Thank you Karen for your dating advice, wisdom and insight.

You can get your own one-on-one free 40 minute Love Mentoring® Session with Karen by phone or Skype! Just click here  & fill out the form, requesting Karen.  Hurry–her time will fill up quickly!

Wishing you love,

Dr. Diana

♥Dating Tips & Relationship Advice from My Heart to Yours♥

Diana Kirschner, Ph.D. is a frequent guest psychologist on The Today Show & author of the highly acclaimed relationship advice book, “Sealing the Deal: The Love Mentor’s Guide to Lasting Love” as well as the best-selling dating advice book, “Love in 90 Days.” Dr. Diana’s revolutionary work is the basis of her PBS Special on love and dating for over 50s. Connect with Dr. Diana through her FREE Relationship Tips and Dating Advice Newsletter.

Dating Advice for Women

Dating Advice for Women

This dating advice for women blog is an interview with one of our awesome professional Love Mentors®, Debbie Rivera,  a Master Certified Singles and Couples Coach.  Debbie  completed a four year ministry program &  specializes in  helping couples in crisis create breakthroughs & rekindle passionate love.  She teaches an interactive marriage preparation course.  Deb is passionate about working with singles to help them heal from past relationships to create true lasting love!  Now here is an interview with Debbie on how to  transform heartbreak to happiness:

How can you help someone go from a broken heart to being truly happy? When you heart is broken one of the first things you experience is the tremendous loss of a part of your life. You want it back! It belonged to you and now it is beyond your grasp. No matter what you try, it feels like you can’t get it to return.  That is when the fears and doubts begin to play tricks on your mind and now every moment you come up with ideas about how to get the person to return to you.  So the first order of business is: you must work through the fears and doubts.  Do you fear being alone forever?  Do you doubt that you are even lovable?  What is the real loss you are experiencing?  What is the lonely future you are seeing?

You are panicking and that is quite understandable. You hurt and you can’t stop the tears.  It is OK to feel this way.  You have to begin a process within yourself. I call it a journey.  It starts with feeling your feelings, feeling sad and lonely.  It takes some time, but as you feel them, they pass and the happiness will come.

One of the Love Mentees that I have worked with comes to my mind. She is such a kind and caring woman– who went from being completely devastated and heartbroken to being empowered and truly happy.  Her name is Angie and she is amazing!  When we started working together she had experienced heartbreak in the summer and was still carrying strong feelings for Mark eight months later.  They really got a long well at first and then one day he told her he had to leave for an out of town work-related trip and that he would call her.  He didn’t call and  just disappeared! Her heartbreak was huge.  This was such a low blow.  But the great news is now she has two great guys who are interested and are STUDS as Dr. Diana puts it. By the way she’s in her late forties, has never had children but wants them, and has never been married. So I want you to realize that you can turn your heartbreak into happiness too!

News Flash:  Tune into Debbie as she is interviewed on the nuts and bolts of how to transform heartbreak to happiness on our Love in 90 Days- Blogtalk radio show, live on March 20!   (And archived thereafter!)  To listen, Click Here!

What did she do that took her from Heartbreak to not one but two great guys at once? It was definitely a journey and it didn’t happen overnight. It took time but she stayed at it. I have to tell you that there were times when she felt like giving up. She kept working at it and that allowed her to move forward even it was just in baby steps. When we first started working together, she couldn’t get past the fact that he just disappeared. Oh she went on dates but found them all boring and always wished she was with Mark. She didn’t enjoy the dates at all and just didn’t see the point of dating at all. Our early conversations were about the hurt, loss, and regrets of being without the man she believed she was to be with forever. She felt betrayed by the promise that he would call her while he was away when he hadn’t contacted her at all. Those thoughts just broke her heart all over again. She was lost and couldn’t even begin to move on until she was able to get an answer for what happened in the first place. They got along so well. They had great times together. How could things change so rapidly? It was painful and sad and no one else came close to being what Mark was. She felt that she must have been the problem – that Mark did not like who she was. To get to happiness something had to change from despair to hope. We had to find out together what was really underneath all of this for Angie. Her Relationship-Killer Beliefs were holding her back from anything, even the possibilities of a new love.

What do you mean by Killer Beliefs?The best way to explain your Killer Beliefs – your core beliefs is to have you imagine an ice berg. The things we know and are aware of are above the surface of the ice berg. Now you know that an ice berg can extend all the way down to the ocean floor where we can’t see how far down it goes. That is the same thing for your Killer Beliefs. These are negative core beliefs you are holding onto that you are unaware of and they are not in your conscious mind. You just are not aware you are believing hopeless thoughts about yourself, about men and about love. I really get excited when helping someone with their Killer Beliefs because I always want to take them where they want to go!! And when we work through these beliefs we can remove the roadblocks that get in their way. You too have roadblocks – we all do. So together we bring them up to the surface so we can work through them. Beliefs are a choice.  I asked Angie to look at what she was choosing to believe about herself and about love and that changed her life.  In the book, Sealing the Deal, there are some excellent exercises for understanding and getting rid of killer beliefs.

News Flash:  Tune into Debbie as she is interviewed on the nuts and bolts of how to transform heartbreak to happiness on our Love in 90 Days- Blogtalk radio show, live on March 20!   (And archived thereafter!)  To listen, Click Here!

What happened next with Angie? What I call her journey to a Smartbreak instead of Heartbreak!!  I asked her to take a break from dating for a while. I also asked her to send a simple email to Mark. She didn’t want to at first but together we came up with one that she felt okay in sending. He immediately responded back and asked to see her. They met and had a great time. He asked to see her again and didn’t show up! He called and told her something came up. This just confused her more. She was really being cautious this time around and wanted to protect her heart.

Angie was beginning to notice who she was when they were together. It was all about him. She had to build him up and reassure him. She is such a great listener and really caring and nurturing. She never liked hurting anyone’s feelings let alone speaking up with her truth and have her deeper needs met. But she sure wasn’t comfortable with the way that Mark was treating her. She gave him one last chance and guess what, he left her stranded after promising to be there again, – no phone call, no text, nothing!

How did she get through that heartbreak again? During all of this we were working on why she was always protecting herself and only letting a guy get so close. She started opening up and realized that in fact she deserved far more than she has ever received. Angie is such a giving person and it was high time she experienced receiving. She also had difficulty talking and was a much better listener. Now I realize that for some of you it can be just the opposite. That is okay just give yourself permission to receive more, know that you deserve more, and never settle for less.

News Flash:  Tune into Debbie as she is interviewed on the nuts and bolts of how to transform heartbreak to happiness on our Love in 90 Days- Blogtalk radio show, live on March 20!   (And archived thereafter!)  To listen, Click Here!

Sometimes we are not even aware of the impression we are giving out to those we date. Make sure you let the guys know you had a great time. Tell them at the end of the date. Open your heart and mind again. Angie did. She started dating again. This time she did things with an awareness and confidence that she never had before. It started out slowly. She went on two different dates with 2 different guys that allowed her to see the difference in the way she could be treated.  Both are smitten with her and interested in a long-term relationship. The next decision she will make is to choose someone who will be by her side forever. She will get married and have the family she’s always wanted. She is taking heartbreak and transforming it into the happiness she deserves.

You can do this too. Never lose hope.

You can find the love you deserve where you feel fulfilled and happy. Start with the Killer Beliefs. Find out what you are choosing to believe. Then I want you to ask yourself what the truth is–about what you truly deserve and want to create in your life. I want you to take one step forward away from heartbreak and one step closer to real happiness. You can do it.

Thank you for your inspiration, Debbie! You can get your own one-on-one free 40 minute Love Mentoring® Session with Debbie  by phone or Skype! Just click here  & fill out the form, requesting Debbie.  Hurry–her time will fill up quickly!

Tune into Debbie as she is interviewed on our Love in 90 Days- Blogtalk radio show, live on March 20!   (And archived thereafter!)  To listen,Click Here!

“I Believe I Just Got the Goodbye Look (Transforming Your Heartbreak to Happiness)” -The dating advice for women interview with Love Mentor® Debbie Rivera

DATE: Tuesday, March 20, 2011      TIME: 5:00 pm Pacific/8:00pm Eastern for one hour

COST: No charge  JOIN US LIVE VIA: Telephone, Skype, and Replay Access-Click Here For Details

     In this free dating advice for women seminar you will discover . . .

• Tips for Healing your Sadness &  Heartbreak
• How to Change your Routine/Change Your Life
• How to Get your Confidence back (more on this in Love in 90 Days)
• Discover what your TTLC needs are (these are your deepest emotional needs)
• Work on your Killer Beliefs
• Know your Dating Patterns
• Find the Love You Deserve

Please interact with us live during the show by visiting:  Facebook.com/DrDianaKirschner
Twitter.com/drdiana or Blog Talk Radio Chat

Thank you, Debbie, for your wise words and dating advice for women. If you would like a free 40-minute love mentoring session  by phone or Skype with Debbie, click here or go to www.lovein90days.com/coaching and ask for Debbie on the form. For more information about this and future Love Mentoring® Seminars please visit-
http://www.lovementoring.com

Wishing you love,

Dr. Diana

♥Dating Tips & Relationship Advice from My Heart to Yours♥

Diana Kirschner, Ph.D. is a frequent guest psychologist on The Today Show & author of the highly acclaimed relationship advice book, “Sealing the Deal: The Love Mentor’s Guide to Lasting Love” as well as the best-selling dating advice book, “Love in 90 Days.” Dr. Diana’s revolutionary work is the basis of her PBS Special on love and dating for over 50s. Connect with Dr. Diana through her FREE Relationship Tips and Dating Advice Newsletter.

This dating advice for women blog is an interview with one of our awesome professional Love Mentors®, Susan Kalinowski, LCSW. Susan  is a highly experienced Love Mentor®  who has been extensively trained and supervised  in our approach. She is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker and Board Certified Diplomate specializing in couples counseling, relationship issues, communication, pre-marital counseling and helping individuals and couples find personal fulfillment.  Susan lives in the Philadelphia area with her wonderful husband of many years. Now here is an interview with Susan on how to Find Your Confident, Empowered Diamond Self.

What do you mean by Finding Your Diamond Self?

Each of us has something wonderful in our make-up, something that makes us shine.  We call that your Diamond Self.   Start by finding that something in those around you, at work, at your health club, among your neighbors, even among your family members. It is often easier to see their great characteristics before you see your own. This one has a great sense of humor, this one is athletic, this one has a gift for conversation, that one is sooo smart.  If you don’t see a sparkle of fabulous in others then dig and find it because once you get proficient at that skill you can turn it on yourself.

How does that translate into your work as a Love Mentor?

If you see your own beauty you might give yourself a break and start to speak and act from your truth, from your core.  I have found that once people reach that level of self-appreciation, they can find a partner.

Once the beauty you are on the inside is given support and permission to express herself (or himself) , all sorts of attractive things bubble to the surface. You need less armor for defensive protection. More and more of you shows and glows. You find yourself naturally defending your right to have great things because you know you deserve to have them. You speak and you are your truth. That is very attractive.

News Flash:  Tune into dating & relationship coach Susan as she is interviewed on dating advice for women–how to become find your Diamond Self  on our Love in 90 Days- Blogtalk radio show, live on February 21!   (And archived thereafter!)  To listen,Click Here!

Is that difficult for people, to find their sparkle and true voice?

At first, I find many of those I mentor are afraid of that inner person for a number of reasons.  She has been given messages over the years that hiding is safer. It could be she was criticized or abandoned when she was outspoken and exuberant, maybe she was criticized and abandoned even for just being. Perhaps she was even abused. Somehow she got the message that she could not be who she truly was.  Sometimes she even disappeared her own feelings altogether– becoming numb and unaware. Sometimes she became brassy or crusty, promiscuous or turned to addiction to protect the vulnerability. Sometimes she is the very good helpful girl who tries to please.  Regardless, the notion that she was wonderful simply for having been born, for breathing, for existing was not internalized. She learned parts or all of her essence needed to take a back seat.

How can someone begin to value himself or herself after being molded or scarred?

It can take some work!  I do an exercise I call  “chocolate cake.”  I have someone imagine their favorite dessert and describe it to me. There is a sensuous and adoring quality to what comes out of their mouths. You can feel the power of that crème brulee or Vanilla Swiss Almond ice cream. Now I have the person imagine they are in a social situation and that they are that incredible desirable alluring satisfying dessert just sitting there on the counter. With  their eyes closed on SKYPE I can see the transformation of the person imagining the dessert. There is a smile, a confidence, a self-prizing look, the cat that swallowed the canary. A place where you toss your head and raise your eyebrows as if to say…”Mmmmmm I am delicious…:  A sensuality naturally exists in all of us that has a chance to emerge just thinking you are the dessert.

As you work on the Diamond self exercises in Dr D’s books or with a mentor you gradually get more conscious of how you stifle you.  As you own the you you lost,  great things happen.

News Flash:  Tune into dating & relationship coach Susan as she is interviewed on dating advice for women–how to become find your Diamond Self  on our Love in 90 Days- Blogtalk radio show, live on February 21!   (And archived thereafter!)  To listen,Click Here!

What sorts of things do you see?

A person’s Boundaries improve:  More and more often you say no to things that don’t work for you or say yes and reach for those things that do.

You learn that hiding less is strong, not weak.  For example, telling someone you care, may feel at first like exposing yourself to potential rejection; however gradually it becomes a means to a deeper, more honest and fulfilling relationship with someone who is into you and a brave person as well.

Intimacy potential (and actuality) increases with others

There is less need for drama because you are not holding things in trying to be who you are not.  With less drama you can fight cleanly (and connect better with another) or walk away knowing why and move on swiftly because you know you did not contaminate things, you just said your piece in peace.

Your healing continues to accelerate once you find a partner who loves the real you.

A relationship can grow from a firmer foundation. That person who does not leave and even delights in the you who you thought was hideous flawed, weak, unforgiveable etc, is a treasure of immeasurable worth.   (this also gives the partner permission to let you see his “warts” and grow from your acceptance and love)

Wow this sounds great! Is there more?

Yes ! Friendships and family relationships improve because you can express your happiness for someone even when you are feeling vulnerable  ie. : “I am so glad you got that great job and your career is taking off and, though I must confess I worry that you will forget all about me when you move across country etc.”

There is less and less false advertising on the dating front. You are likely to end up with someone who is a “fit” much more quickly. What they see is what they get from the beginning, no surprises. You save time being the real you.

You have more fun.  When you are more comfortable with you, so are other people. The positive energy loop becomes better and better. You are relaxed, your best self and lighter…more spontaneous and humorous, freer and in the moment. This is attractive, drawing others to you (including men).

When people know their own “good time” they shine and are irresistible.

You are kinder and gentler because you don’t take yourself so seriously. The internal task-master has less power over you. You have less harsh judgments of yourself and others. This is attractive and attracting as well.

This is amazing; is it difficult for people to achieve?

It takes courage in the beginning for sure. I have had discussions about intimacy and how exposed people feel when they are spending more and more time with a lover.  Worries about teeth, hair, weight, cellulite, passing gas,  etc. are opportunities for humor and fun when your partner knows your insecurities and delights in you in all your glory.  The more practice with facing your supposed flaws and exposing them the easier and more relaxed you become.

There is also less guilt in your life because you can own your words and actions. Apologies are easier and assertiveness is easier; so there is less “I should haves or I shouldn’t haves” pushing those guilt buttons.

Let me share one of my mentee’s journeys with you:  Sarah and I began speaking after she left her marriage of many years. She was lovely and didn’t think so. Her ex had been controlling and demanding sexual things with which she was not comfortable. Though she was successful in her career as a nurse she did not transfer the power (she was smart and respected and promoted) to her personal life.  She had ended the marriage without telling her ex her truth. She began dating and gradually it became apparent that she was choosing guys who were not her equal and she was behaving seductively early on. Gradually she shared that she had always been praised for being “the Good child that I never worry about” by her overwhelmed mother and ineffective father. Her one sibling had MS and her other had considerable mental health issues. If Sarah was not good and functioning and getting good grades she received no rewards.  She disappeared unless she was supergirl. Hence she never got to be just herself. She also put a lot of pressure on herself  to please others both at work and in relationships. She did not give herself permission to say no, or to put herself first in a healthy way.  She revealed she had poor body image issues and mild self-mutilation for her perceived lack of self worth.  She did not think she was attractive and valued and desirable for just being.  Over time working on her Diamond self she stopped seeing Duds and allowed a relationship with a very nice man. She was plagued by doubt and sure he did not desire her. No matter how loving he was she would withdraw and be moody and wary of trust. With coaching and his steadfast love she slowly gained confidence. She finally told him many of the things she was ashamed of and those things she longed for. He loved her all the more.  She began to experience herself as lovable at all times not just when she was trying to say or do what she thought would be acceptable and praiseworthy. They got married (she was 15 lbs heavier than when they had met and she was light-years lighter emotionally). She was blissfully happy and had found deeper love of her core self. When she had spoken up she had become her own champion and this set her free.

Thank you for sharing that story.  Do you have any closing pearls of wisdom?

The goal is relaxing into joy.  It can set you free if you keep your sights and your work focused on it. In general think about the people you know who have an easy, real self-acceptance.  Watch them in action when there is someone who they find attractive.  Usually all they have to do is smile with their eyes and the message is sent to the other.  They have the awareness that they are ready and willing and able to deliver. When that message is received by the other who also has that awareness of self there is an opportunity for the beginning of a beautiful easy joyful relationship.

Thank you, Susan! You can get your own one-on-one free 40 minute Love Mentoring® Session with Susan by phone or Skype! Just click here  & fill out the form, requesting Susan.  Hurry–her time will fill up quickly!

Tune into Susan as she is interviewed on our Love in 90 Days- Blogtalk radio show, live on February 21!   (And archived thereafter!)  To listen,Click Here!

“Finding Your Diamond Self: Confident & Empowered” -The dating advice for women interview with Love Mentor® Tamara Green

DATE: Tuesday, February 21, 2012      TIME: 5:00 pm Pacific/8:00pm Eastern for one hour

COST: No charge  JOIN US LIVE VIA: Telephone, Skype, and Replay Access-Click Here For Details

     In this free dating advice for women seminar you will discover . . .

• How to love yourself, just the way you are now -
• How to identify your Diamond Self -
• How to operate from your  Diamond Self to attract men -
• Why men find women who operate from their Diamond Self irresistible

Please interact with us live during the show by visiting:  Facebook.com/DrDianaKirschner
Twitter.com/drdiana or Blog Talk Radio Chat

Thank you again, Susan, for your wise words and dating advice for women. If you would like a free 40-minute love mentoring session  by phone or Skype with Susan, click hereor go to www.lovein90days.com/coaching and ask for Susanon the form. For more information about this and future Love Mentoring® Seminars please visit-
http://www.lovementoring.com

Wishing you love,

Dr. Diana

♥Dating Tips & Relationship Advice from My Heart to Yours♥

Diana Kirschner, Ph.D. is a frequent guest psychologist on The Today Show & author of the highly acclaimed relationship advice book, “Sealing the Deal: The Love Mentor’s Guide to Lasting Love” as well as the best-selling dating advice book, “Love in 90 Days.” Dr. Diana’s revolutionary work is the basis of her PBS Special on love and dating for over 50s. Connect with Dr. Diana through her FREE Relationship Tips and Dating Advice Newsletter.

Are you in a rocky relationship?  Feeling resentful, anxious, distant, or lonely in your situation?  Whether you have been dating two months or married 10 years, things can go south all too easily in a couple.  Yet there is nothing quite as painful as when things are falling apart, when you know that your love might be lost forever.  Can I turn it all around, you wonder?  Is it even possible now?

Well I have great news for you.  It is possible.  If you have the courage to go for it.  All you need is to follow my three simple steps and you can become super happy with your partner.  Here is the three-step secret sauce, adapted from my new paperback, Sealing the Deal: The Love Mentor’s Guide to Lasting Love. It’s on sale now and comes with 30 awesome bonus gifts which you can claim at www.lovein90days.com/your-bonus-gifts

1.   Identify what I call your Relationship-Killer Beliefs.  These are beliefs like, “All men are jerks,” which kick in when you are in love that cause you to go on emotional rants in your mind instead of dealing with what is actually happening. Let’s look at a Relationship-Killer belief in action described in an email that Joanne, one of my readers recently sent me:

Dear Dr. Diana,

Sealing the Deal just saved my relationship. I was ready to break up with my boyfriend of 10 months because he was recently divorced and not meeting my emotional needs. I was out of town for the holidays and contemplating if this would be the last time we would be together. When I got to his house he had a big smile on his face and was so loving… but that wasn’t good enough for me. I had to punish him for all the times he wasn’t loving so I was standoffish.

  While sitting next to him watching the football game, I began reading your book, Sealing the Deal. I had already read Love in 90 Days. I read for several hours while completely ignoring his love and advances, something I’m always complaining that he doesn’t give me enough of. I finally got to the killer beliefs.  I had killer belief #5 “This is not exactly right.” and #6 “Relationships mean that one person has to give him- or her-self up”. But what really hit home was the research that unhappy couples discount their mate’s actions because they don’t think they have good intentions. BINGO! That has been me all the way. I want my boyfriend to behave a certain way and when he does, instead of encouraging him and being happy, I punish him because he wasn’t doing it all along! I am so thankful that he has loved me enough to not throw me out on my butt.  The first light bulb just came on! Because of all my killer beliefs in action we went to bed with a little tension between us. I kept laying there thinking, Joanne, you are so blowing it here. I also kept thinking negatively about my boyfriend lying right next to me and all he doesn’t do.  

2. After you have identified your Killer Beliefs, like Joanne did, journal about them and compare them to what is truly going on in your relationship. Let’s continue with her breakthrough story.

I got up about 3 a.m. because I couldn’t sleep because of a sudden head cold. I took your book into the kitchen with me and read it while getting some cold medicine. I wrote down my Killer beliefs and then made out a long list of all the great loving things my boyfriend had done.  I felt freed of an enormous burden.

 3. Create what I call a Love Intention, which is a one statement affirmation about the kind of super happy relationship you would like to create. If it feels right, also help create one for your partner. Let’s see how Joanne did it:

Then I got to the part about creating a Love Intention and focusing on what you “want” instead of what you don’t have. I created the love intention, “Jon and I have an exciting, fulfilling, growing, passionate, and nurturing relationship.” I kept meditating on this. When I got a negative thought about my boyfriend, I pushed it aside and mentally repeated the intention. Then I decided to make one for my boyfriend who is always trying to explain to me that he loves me but he needs his man time. I went back to bed.

 When we woke up I told him about my love intention and that anytime I had a negative thought about him or our relationship that I am going to meditate on my intention instead of what I don’t have. Then I told him that I created one for him to which he quickly replied, “You can’t do that.” But then I said,” Just hear it. I told him that the the love intention I created for him was, “Joanne and I have a growing relationship that is balanced with the perfect amount of togetherness and independence.” He loved it! He only wanted to add one thing. He said put “happy” in there so that it would read “a growing and happy relationship.” He kept saying it over and over until he memorized it. Then he said, “That really empowers me.”

 The rest of the morning was beautiful. We talked in bed. He made me breakfast. I put on cute clothes, fixed my hair, and put on a little makeup (something he likes). He told me I was so sexy. He was so attentive and loving (what I want). He asked me if I wanted to workout with him at my gym tomorrow (he’s hasn’t asked me that in 4 months).  When I was leaving he gave me a big hug and told me he’d call me later to see if I needed anything for my cold. Diana…. everything I wanted just materialized by making a shift in my thinking which came from following your book. I now realize that my man isn’t the problem, I am the problem! Over analyzing, being negative, and pushing him away.  I am so thankful to your book and that I picked it up and started reading it at just the right time. If not, I would have let this good man go.

So there you have it.   Use these three simple steps, Identifying your Relationship-Killer Beliefs; Journaling about them and what is happening in your relationship; and creating a Love Intention for you (and possibly your partner).  Then go ahead and enjoy your super happy love!

For more on Relationship-Killer beliefs, how to go from casual to committed, and how to move from love problems to solutions that deepen any love relationship (even after cheating), pick up a copy of Sealing the Deal: The Love Mentor’s Guide to Lasting Love.  It’s on sale now and comes with 30 awesome bonus gifts which you can claim at www.lovein90days.com/your-bonus-gifts

Wishing you love,

Dr. Diana

Diana Kirschner, Ph.D. is a frequent guest psychologist on The Today Show & author of the highly acclaimed relationship advice book, “Sealing the Deal: The Love Mentor’s Guide to Lasting Love” as well as the best-selling dating advice book, “Love in 90 Days.” Dr. Diana’s revolutionary work is the basis of her PBS Special on love and dating. Connect with Dr. Diana through her FREE Relationship Tips and Dating Advice Newsletter.

Dating Advice for Women

Next week is the blast-off for the paperback version of Sealing the Deal!!!!  30 Free bonus gifts are available if you buy it this week!   Click here for details.

To celebrate I will be speaking and signing copies of Sealing the Deal and Love in 90 Days at two  fun free events in NYC.  In addition to other self help gurus, both will have editors and literary agents there also!  Please let anyone who could benefit know about them.  And folks need to come early, as the events will be filled up very quickly. xoxo Diana

 Change Your Life: A New Year’s Resolution Book Panel

Strand Book Store, Tue Jan 10  at 7pm.828 Broadway (at 12th St)

(212) 473-1452strandbooks.com

Subway: L, N, Q, R, 4, 5, 6 to 14th St–Union SqGet directions

Critics’ Picks: The Five Best Events this Thu 29-Wed 11

Shapiro, the author of Unhooked: How to Quit Anything, brings together distinguished and varied panelists A.J. Jacobs, Diana Kirschner, Kate Hartson, Wendy Sherman, Frederick Woolverton and Tony Lyons to put audience members on the path of achieving “everything  they  want.”

http://www.strandbooks.com/index.cfm/fuseaction/event.show/ID/0fc76046-555b-47a6-972e-b62790d790f0

SPEED-SHRINKING FOR THE NEW YEAR

Wednesday, January 11 at 7:00pm

It’s hard to find a great new shrink and in this economy, many New Yorkers can’t afford psychotherapy. At this fun, free “speed shrinking” soiree you can speed date with top Manhattan mental health professionals to look for a new guru or just to get smart advice about something that’s bothering you. Whether you need an addiction specialist, a sex therapist, a Jungian astrologer, a gay/lesbian expert or a marriage mentor, this stellar line-up of licensed therapists will guide you towards better karma in the days to come. Refreshments and treats will be served.

• Frederick Woolverton, Ph.D., author of Unhooked & founder of the Village Institute for Psychotherapy
• Psychologist Diana Kirschner, author of the new book Sealing the Deal and Love in 90 Days
• Long Island–based acclaimed Jungian astrologer Robert Cook
• Jungian psychotherapist Sherene Schostak, author of Surviving Saturn’s Return: Overcoming the Most Tumultuous Time of Your Life
• Upper East Side–based sex therapist Cathy Beaton, M.S.
• Dr. Robert F. Scherma, a Village psychologist who works with both LGBT and straight patients
• Diane Spear, family counselor and psychotherapist
• Sherry Amatenstein, licensed clinical social worker and relationship author of The Complete Marriage Counselor
• Upper West Side psychiatrist and psycho-pharmalcoogist Sheri Sprit

PLUS! LITERARY GURUS: Agent Ryan Harbage, NAL book editor Danielle Perez, Marie Claire editor Elise Nersesian-Sole, Out editor Jerry Portwood, and Frisky.com editor Ami Angelowicz, and literary agents Ryan Harbage and Kimberly Perel (editor of the upcoming anthology Wedding Cake for Breakfast).

The whole event is MC’d by neurotic comedians Royal Young and Libby Segal.  Here is the link:

http://www.housingworks.org/events/detail/speed-shrinking-for-the-new-year-with-susan-shapiro

 ♥Dating Tips & Relationship Advice from My Heart to Yours♥

Diana Kirschner, Ph.D. is a frequent guest psychologist on The Today Show & author of the highly acclaimed relationship advice book, “Sealing the Deal: The Love Mentor’s Guide to Lasting Love” as well as the best-selling dating advice book, “Love in 90 Days.” Dr. Diana’s revolutionary work is the basis of her PBS Special on love and dating. Connect with Dr. Diana through her FREE Relationship Tips and Dating Advice Newsletter.