How Do I Know If I’ve Found My Soulmate? 11 Signs.

soulmate

Do you believe there is a soulmate out there for you?  If you said ‘yes’, you’re not alone. Studies have shown that over 90% of young adults believe in the concept.  And 88% believe that destiny has determined that there is one and only one person who is your soulmate. Amazing, right? Considering that the idea is thousands of years old and probably was originated by Greek philosophers like Plato who described the soulmate as the person’s “other half” that has been split from him. The quest of life is to find that missing half, that twin flame.

But the soulmate idea also carries with it the belief that a perfect person exists for us, if only we could find him or her. Then love and life would be easy.  This last belief has gotten people into a lot of trouble, especially in the area of commitment. By insisting on finding a perfect partner, many people have walked away from really great potential partners. Why? Because something was missing. Maybe it was chemistry or that he/she didn’t match their ideal of the One and so on.

If you are afraid that you are missing out on finding a real soulmate, definitely take advantage of my Dating Tips and Relationship Advice Newsletter where we cover your most pressing questions about finding and keeping a love relationship with your soulmate.

So what does science have to say about all soulmates? Psychologists have found that people fall into two groups on the question of what makes for a successful relationship: Group one believes it’s based primarily on finding the “right person” (soulmate); while group two believes in the “work at it consistently” approach to lasting love.  The soulmate group believes that choosing the right person helps overcome most of the problems that love throws our way. And if it doesn’t go so easy, we must have picked the wrong person. So therefore on to the next partner. The “work at it” group believes that there are no perfect princes or princesses and that we are all works in progress. Therefore, a lasting love relationship is never an easy process and we shouldn’t ever expect that.

Having been a psychologist for more than 25 years and married to one man for the same long stretch, I can tell you that there are no perfect partners out there.  Not me.  Not my husband.  Not any of my many clients, friends, or family members.  Lasting love is a hard-won battle of personal discipline, compromise, dedication and commitment.

That’s why I decided to write Find Your Soulmate Online in Six Simple Steps. This dating advice book, which costs less than a latte at Starbucks will show you the most effective ways to meet your soulmate online. What to look for and what you must do to prepare yourself to meet the One.

soulmate

So first off I want you to know that, chances are very good, there is more than one person, in fact several Ones who could fit the bill for you. And all of them are less than perfect. But if there are no perfect partners, how can you know whether your current partner can fit the bill as a soulmate?

Here from the book are 11 relationship markers to help you know to what degree he is one of the Ones … Your Soulmate.


1 – When you’re with him you feel like you’ve come home.
2 – You feel like your partnership was meant to be as if kissed by destiny.
3 – In your communication with each other there is a rapid “knowing” of what each of you means.
4 – You have a shared mission in life, perhaps a cause, a career, or the creation of a family.
5 – When you’re together the world seems like a better place.
6 – Your mood is elevated when you’re together. It’s not necessarily passion or excitement, although that’s there too at times.
7 – When you look at him you see a part of yourself that’s been missing. Perhaps it’s his assertiveness or joy of adventure.  But it’s something that when added to your life, makes you feel more complete.
8 – Being together makes you more hopeful about the future you are creating.
9 – You can be more authentic and fully yourself around your partner.
10 – Being together makes each of you work harder on overcoming bad habits and becoming more loving people.
11 – These special qualities of connection are growing over time.  Not disappearing completely or diminishing.

soulmate

Don’t worry if you don’t feel all 11 of these things happening when you’re with your partner. That’s where the imperfection comes in–either in you or your partner. If you are experiencing six or more of these markers, chances are you are matched well. Over time you can work towards having all 11 of these soulmate qualities. So pick up a copy of Find Your Soulmate Online in 6 Simple Steps and let me show you how you can find your soulmate.

  

Here’s a letter from Robin who worked with an expert dating coach handpicked by me and ended up marrying her soulmate:

“Having a Love Mentor was what allowed me to get married.  That guidance helped me get over my tendency to blame the other person and wanting to be right. Nurturing loving guidance combined with a firm hand in letting me know when I was being a spoiled brat allowed me to look at my own patterns from a neutral perspective.  I learned that I deserve to be supported on all levels, including financially–that I could have a true reciprocal loving partnership. Our wedding was spectacular and I couldn’t be any happier!”

Wishing you love,
Dr. Diana

About Dr. Diana Kirschner

Diana Kirschner, Ph.D. is a relationship advice expert, frequent guest psychologist on The Today Show and the creator of a globally available dating coach and Love Mentor® program. Dr. Diana is also the best-selling author of the acclaimed relationship advice book, "Sealing the Deal: The Love Mentor's Guide to Lasting Love", and of the best-selling relationship and dating book, “Love in 90 Days”. Love in 90 Days was the basis of her PBS Special on love. Connect with Dr. Diana through her Dating Tips & Relationship Advice Newsletter.

Comments

  1. says

    Dear Sue,
    It is wonderful to have that special experience with a guy that feels so right. In this situation, i think it would be best to pursue the friendship and be patient. Over time, more will be revealed as to whether he will break up with his girlfriend. I would only enter a romantic relationship with him if/when he ends it with her. There are a number of soulmates for each person, not just one. To give you a hand with building your own self esteem and happiness while you wait, pick up a copy of The Diamond Self Secret: Say Goodbye to Your Inner Critic & Hello to Self-Acceptance, Serenity & Lasting Love.
    Wishing you love,
    Diana

  2. Sue says

    I think I have met my soul mate. I had left a long term relationship that wasn’t working. I moved house and met someone I got on with so well from the moment I met him. I think our first meeting lasted well over a hour and I continued to visit him in his shop and have many discussions. He could finish my sentences along my line of thought and I physically felt sensations in my heart and solar plexus. For weeks following, I felt an elevation of my own natural joy whenever around him as I continued getting to know him. I feel an energy connection when I look into his eyes and I’m at the point where I sometimes feel shy because of the feelings I have when around him. The only thing is he has been living with a girlfriend but it isn’t working well and it seems that he would rather be single. I don’t know if he feels the same about me because nothing has been said. But, I feel like I can see it in his eyes too. We have both had a very positive influence on each other’s dreams and we are both doing better/being more positive in our chosen fields. I don’t know what to do and if this is the real thing or not but I feel that it is because I am quite level headed sensitive, intuitive person. I wonder if I should tell him how I feel. Whenever I have said positive things about him, he does seem to reiterate the same about me. I know in my heart I really love him and even if there is no romance, I know we will be lifelong friends. I have had lots of ‘signs’ as well that seem to tell me there is something between us. Any advice/comments? best wishes, and lovely site you have here. xxx

  3. mary says

    I am wondering if my bf is my soul mate or not.

    We met when I was 17 and fell madly in love, but it wasn’t easy – he was still in love with another woman, we had a fun but difficult, first 3 years together. With my mature mind on me now I should have left him years ago, but I was young, in love and stubborn. I wanted him so much I stuck by him through everything. Now we have been together for over 5 years.

    I am 23 now and I am wondering if it is ‘true love’ , if so why was it such a struggle to begin with. We get along well and live together, its not really romantic but it works. My mother believes marriage is about companionship over love, my mum and dad are not romantics but have stuck together for 35 years.

    Does a soul mate really exist, perhaps I have high expectations of a fairy tale romance.

  4. JoJo says

    This person makes you feel complete. He make you feel you want to do your best & they don’t judge you. You feel somewhat shy, but you can be yourself. If they are not available emotionally/already attached, you just still want them to be a part of your life no matter what even if you can’t have them romantically. It won’t matter, because just being around them makes me you feel more confident and secure. He motivates me and has my spiritual growth has become stronger.

  5. says

    Tiffany
    You are on a really a tough spot. I’m going to personally email you a recommendation for professional guidance. For your sake, your husband and the children.
    Much love
    Dr Diana

  6. tiffany says

    i think i have found my soul mate but i am a married woman i have been married with kids for 4 years i care about my husband but he has never loved me we dont sleep together we never had a hunnymoon we argue he tells he to die all the time i couldnt take it so a week ago i got on a internet site and this guy messages me and he was local and we met and right away we both felt connected we have everything in common we share our thoughts when we kiss its more than just kissing its a feeling i cant even describe its a love we have never felt before i am a breast cancer patient an he has offered to go to my surgury with me wensday and support me through it my own husband refusedd to go with me and says its not his problem now my husband is a great guy he saved me he made me turn my life around when we met and he gave me 3 beautiful babys i dont want him to get hurt but this guy i met i cant stop thinking about him we spend every miniut together talking holding each other my heart tells me he is the one but i dont know what to do about my husband if i leave he will take my baby from me i am so confused my question is am i wrong ? is this my soul mate? i dont want to make a mistake

  7. says

    Hi Megan
    This is so honest and thoughtful. You are an amazing person who has found herself yearning for an emotionally unavailable guy. It’s heartbreaking but you have to let go. Because your holding on is the only obstacle to having an actual intimate relationship not with a fantasy but a real man. All mental obsessions prevent us from being in the here-and-now. If you like I will set you up with an expert relationship coach to help you deal with this difficult situation. I wish you healing.
    Dr. Diana

  8. Megan says

    I went to a concert for my favorite band alone when I was 17 and I introduced myself to two nerdy friends. I ended up hanging out with them for the entirety of the day, and then making actual friends with them (some of those friendships still exist to this day, 7 years later.)

    I eventually formed a band with the two people I introduced myself to. I started hanging out with these people almost every day. I ended up spending time with one in particular, my guitarist at the time. We became best friends, and I fell in love. We stayed best friends for a very long time. He was in a long term relationship. We spent almost every day together – writing and playing music, laughing our asses off, having intellectual conversations.

    Eventually there was drama in the band, and his gf didn’t like me, so when I quit the band, it was welcomed.

    We stayed civil and distant for a long time. I felt betrayed and I lost that connection I felt with him, and I never felt a connection like that again.

    I had seen him a few times within the past years, but I had been in a long term relationship, and I made sure to control myself in his presence when I did see him. No long hugs, no intimate talks – but I still felt a sense of betrayal any time I would see him, because of the feeling it gave me in my core, I didn’t get that anywhere else.

    One time, I went to see him, and I felt sick to my stomach with guilt, knowing that my love never went away. My car (or my ex bfs car) broke down on the way home, literally a block from this guys’ house. I cried because my loving, caring boyfriend was coming to save me while I went to go see someone who didn’t make an effort for me, that I loved unconditionally nonetheless.

    I know deep in my heart that when I was unhappy in my relationship, when I broke it off because I never got happy – I waited because I thought “maybe what I felt was immature, maybe this is mature love” I lied to myself and my boyfriend for a very long time, hoping I would grow into our relationship.

    I reached out to my “soulmate” shortly after I broke up. We hung out a few times, me making most of the effort, but him giving me just enough to make me think “oh my god, it’s finally happening, finally this feeling is mutual.”

    I slept with him, and he’s just been stringing me along ever since. I feel used, stupid, ugly, and horrible about myself, and yet, there is this resistance inside of me that says don’t give up. I feel like I would rather love more, than be the one that loves less ever again. I feel like I have this connection with this man, that cannot go away.

    He says he feels a connection too, but he hardly talks to me and I’m ready to just give up although the thought of that makes me so sad.

    For the record, I like being single, I actually like focusing on myself and I won’t waste my time on someone who doesn’t feel compatible with me. He is the one exception. I am usually smart and able to walk away. I can’t, and I’m borderline obsessed.

    It’s been 7 years, I have DATED many guys, been in relationships, and yet this guy I’ve never gotten much reciprocation from still holds my heart, and it feels right to me, it feels like destiny and I feel crazy.

    :/

  9. says

    I know that the notion of having one true ‘soul mate’ is not a popular one, but I love the idea!

  10. Cacao says

    A soulmate is a person that just by looking at you make you feel the best of yourself, makes you love yourself and do whatever it takes to make him feel the same. Cause it is beautiful to even think in each other. It’s heaven on earth, and inside of your heart! Not too much effort is needed, cuz every effort is perfectly done! No question asked, cuz we believe in each other…

  11. Tammy says

    Dear Dr. Diana,
    This soulmate thing has always been something I used to talk with my friends about, we always hoped it exsisted but it was never on my mind as much as it has been in the last year. Strangely, I never really pieced any of this together until he asked me if I believed in soulmates and if we might be. We met at age 13, 26 years ago, and quickly became best friends…talked to each other about everything. The first moment I saw him I had this instant connection like some kind of drawing to him and knew I wanted to know him more, however, at 13, who knows the truth behind feelings. He also told me of his first time he saw me and told his friend at that moment, thats going to be my wife one day. As we played with each other as children we agreed that if we weren’t married to anyone by the time we were 28 we would get married and have 6 children, you know, kid things…or at least thats what I thought. Things happened in our life and he moved away. Parental divorce and other relationships ect… At age 17 I recieved a letter from his father and his father asked me to come visit him where they had moved to. I chose to go visit and I had no clue what had happened to this boy that was my best friend, we had lost connection. I didn’t know he was living with his father at the time but when I got there and saw his face, we instantly hugged and as always since we were kids kissed and connected again. This time, to make a long story short we ended up in a sexual one night stand and didnt speak to each other for almost 4 years. He stayed with his father and I went home. At age 21, I had 2 children and needed to move on with my life so I moved back to the town we had met in. I was in my apartment for almost 3 weeks when I recognize a person going into my laundry room and just had to see who it was… it was him. I called out his name and he turned around. we stared into each other’s eyes for approximately 30 seconds before he and I both did what comes naturally and hugged and kissed each other, couldn’t let go because it felt so good and right. I can’t explain it any better than saying our bodies fit together in an embrace eventhough I am slightly taller than him. well, after talking for what seemed like 20 minutes in reality hours had gone by, I found out he had moved back and not only had he moved back into the same complex but into the apartment right upstairs from mine. We fell instantly back into best friendship he meeting my boyfriend and I meeting his girlfriend. We could not help flirting with each other. It was wrong but it felt right. We had a very romantic Valentine’s Day together and produced our son. We never became a couple, in fact, our son pushed us apart and we didnt speak for 11 years. We saw each other in a supermarket and kissed again. Like nothing terrible ever happened. We were both married to someone else. We said good-bye and didn’t speak for another three years. Out of the blue…once again, we met up. He and I were both divorced but seeing other people. My boyfriend and his girlfriend in my car, all friends, I was clueless of what was coming next… he wanted to meet his son. He told his aunt he didn’t want me in his life again but he was helpless and he don’t know why. He couldn’t stop himself and he walked up to the window of my car and kissed me on my lips.. we ended up staring into each other’s eyes for an awkward amount of time right in front of them, however, it felt as though we were the only two people in the world. We were alone together again for just a moment. Reality hit, he backed up and asked if he could meet our son. We were both 36 by this time. Our son now 14 and he agreed to meet him. He also met my youngest son and I met his two children one boy and one girl… now making a total of 6 kids between us… hummm. We began thinking of the children and trying to bring them together… beaches, amusement parks, regular parks, we did all this together and weirdly enough began to call ourselves a family. One that lived two separate lives but all 6 kids became brother’s and sister in less than a month. He and I still calling each other friends but the best of and eventually spending every waking hour with the kids and each other… well, as you can figure it broke me up with my boyfriend and he decided to leave his three or four girls also (he could never be faithful to anyone, said it just wasn’t right). We were only friends but needed no one else. The little bit of flirting that we have always done and the unbelievable connection we have became unbearable and he and I began hanging out together alone. I eventually spent the night with him but only to feel him hold me and him the same way… no words, no touching inappropriately, just holding each other as tight as any two people could completely dressed in pajamas. Just listening to each other breath and each other’s heartbeat. That became an addiction and eventually it happened every other night. We couldn’t sleep unless we held each other.. in a position that would put most peoples arms asleep but it never hurt us, it was comfortable. We still fit together, bodies changed over the years and still we fit together. I couldn’t stay with him any longer because i was allergic to something in his home so he bought a house and we began living together. We were always friends but he wanted a relationship so I let him go so he could be happy… while I was there, we lived as a couple doing everything a married couple would do but we never fought, it scared me… I thought that two people would fight or argue but we only got as far as saying that we had to agree to disagree and it was over. No more arguement. He told me I’m his soulmate, tells his children that I would have been his wife if things were different. We lived together for a year. I finally let him go so he could have a real relationship. I just wanted him to be happy, I never cared about my own happiness. I found myself crying over him which is something I never do… well, I guess to make a long story shorter, we still can’t stay away from each other and his girlfriend hates me so much I’m not allowed at his home. My home is no longer mine and I know he isn’t happy either. He only smiles when he has seen me. Our son and his niece tell me this. He went away with his girlfriend for 3 weeks hoping he could fix this and he can’t. He called me every day either in text or straight call. I told him I don’t want to come between them but I think its too late. I think he is stuck on whatever it was we have. He asked me to go away with him and he is still with her. He loves me and told me this today… my question to you is, Did I make a mistake letting him go? Is he my soulmate? It’s the first time in our 38 years I question this. I even know in my heart that this isn’t over…that one day I’m going to make love to him again. I know that I love him more than I have ever loved any man in my entire life. I only miss everything about him. Did I make a mistake?

  12. Love says

    A soulmate is a person that you can’t live without.You will love the person from the deepest part of your heart.You actually don’t have an answer or reason why you love the person and you always think of that person all the time. The more you spend years together the more you will love the person more. Despite his/her weaknesses, you will still long to be with that person. If you feel the above mentioned signs………welcome…you have found your soulmate.

  13. says

    Dear Sue,
    What you can do is use one of the laws of attraction from Sealing the Deal–which is to act like you are having an affair with your husband. Be flirty with him!! Build the chemistry. You could have a fantastic relationship!

  14. Sue says

    I feel most of the above . I have known him only for three months though and ours is an “arranged marriage”. I don’t however have a crush on him or long to see his face. I love his voice though and nothing comforts me more than his voice.
    Its worrying me .

  15. Natalie says

    Love. This. Article. While I used to belong in the camp of “One and Only Soul Mate”, now I realize after being in a 3 1/2 year relationship that as much as we fit, we still have to work at it. And, the rewards are countless.

    I cried during your 11 points, because that is us. I am happiest and at most peace when I’m with him, and love when he texts me in the middle of his work day with… “Sigh… I wish I was with you right now.” or simply, “I miss you.”

    He always says, “There’s nothing we can’t work through as long as we keep talking.”, and I completely agree. :)

  16. says

    I believe that we have more than one person during our life time that can be a soul mate. It depends all on timing and the lessons that we have to learn from dating & relationships… But ultimately any relationship has to be worked at consistently.

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