Here’s an email I got from Priscilla who asked for help. “Dr. Diana I need your help. I swear I am ready to have a real relationship. With a nice guy. A good guy. I’ve really hit bottom and I admit defeat. Just found out that Allen, who I worked with five years ago at my last job and who was crazy about me, the guy who wanted a serious relationship with me but I blew off …. is married with twins.”
Well, I sent Priscilla into Love Mentoring with an expert dating coach and we’ll catch up with her later on. Maybe like Priscilla you’re done with players, elusive hotties, the ones who come on strong and disappear, cheaters and all-around heartbreakers. You are sick of being disappointed, hurt, betrayed, furious and depressed. Sick of lying on the couch with the remote and your cell while you go through a whole tissue box worth of tears. Your mind tells you that choosing from a pool of nice guys will save you from more wasted time with men who are not into you, scoundrels who betray you or narcissists who blame you for any and every problem. You are ready for a partner who is your best friend.
But there is one hitch: You just don’t feel it with the nice guys. No tingle. No adrenaline rush when he looks into your eyes. You wonder: How do you spark chemistry with the one guy you met online, the paunchy one? He is a great guy, successful, giving, crazy about you, and even has nice eyes, you think. But you’re not feeling IT and what’s worse you don’t know how to spark chemistry with these nice guys. Are you doomed to only be drawn to those you can’t have?
Answer: No you’re not. I’ve worked with many women who complained of the same dilemma: how do I spark chemistry with good men? And now they are married to great guys. What’s their secret? Before we get into that I’d like you to take advantage of my free ongoing support by signing up for my free Dating Tips & Relationship Advice Newsletter. You’ll get fresh dating and relationship information that is based on research and clinical practice.
So what are the secrets that these women have used to be in committed relationships with great guys, good men who have integrity and are loyal. Here then are six relationship tips that my Love Mentors share with their clients who are in the Dating Coaching program. Please use them to join the ranks of women who overcame their initial lack of attraction, learned how to spark chemistry and fell in love with terrific guys.
- Remember to give him a real chance. Even if he is balding, paunchy, nerdy, or is not particularly attractive. In fact, you want to date against type. Be honest with yourself: Has dating your type gotten you anywhere? Even if you are not exactly blown away on the first date, remember to stay open. Go for at least a second or third date. You cannot know what secret goodies are hidden in someone just by meeting them once. You have to let a potential partner unfold and show you his different sides. If there is any connection with this person at all, give it another chance. You can spark chemistry in a heartbeat.
- Practice my Opening Possibility Exercises Now (OPEN.) If a guy seems crazy about you, is willing to grow, and is a good guy–use my OPEN Techniques to see what may be there. First, think of him as a present wrapped in nested boxes. As you interact, you are unwrapping the present and finding out more and more things about him that may be wonderful. This process often leads to marvelous chemistry and connection!
- Use affirmations before each date. I have fun with this man. I see the hidden possibilities in (his name). This man is a present for my enjoyment. More will be revealed about this person. I uncover and enjoy the wonderful aspects of this man. I spark chemistry with (his name).
- Go on dates that are exciting, novel and get the adrenaline pumping. Novel and exciting experiences can spark chemistry. Go on a roller coaster at the amusement park, rock climbing at his gym, take a helicopter ride, try hiking on a high, winding trail or wind-surfing, make a mad dash to catch sunset at the beach, scream yourselves silly at a football game or the racetrack. Studies show that people who are emotionally aroused, whether by joy, fear, or any feeling, fall in love more easily. As two love researchers once wrote, “Adrenaline makes the heart grow fonder.”
- See him in his element. Plan a date around skiing, a performance of his rock band or his softball game. You will catch sides of him you haven’t seen before. His personal power and charisma will be at their height and just may open up a host of juicy feelings and spark chemistry between you.
- Turn yourself on first. Go on a date wearing your sexiest lingerie under your clothes. Flirt with him, get touchy-feely, whisper in his ear and maybe kiss him. Spark chemistry by putting yourself in the mood first.
If he responds with sensual moves, your ‘spark chemistry experiment’ may prove to be the start of something great! Remember, that love almost always comes in a surprise package; most people do not end up with the kind of person they imagine for themselves. The woman who dates starving artists marries a rich, balding lawyer. And Priscilla, remember her? She worked with one of my terrific Dating Coaches and created a gem of a marriage with a short plain guy who was her champion and a healing force of nature in her life. So practice these six relationship tips to spark chemistry with a good man and your love life will make a 180° turn.