Single at Holiday Time? Five Ways to Cope

single at holiday time
Single at holiday time? Another year and another string of holidays are coming fast.  And you are still single. Thanksgiving. Christmas. Hanukkah.  Are you doomed to a miserable holiday if your family drives you nuts? Does Aunt Millie always cluck about what a shame it is that you are single? Or do people get tipsy while you are trying to stay sober? Even if your family is a battlefield, or you are super stressed-out you can turn any holiday into one of the best holidays you’ve ever had. Simply use my five-step “secret sauce” relationship advice for those of you who are single at holiday time and who have to deal with problem relatives at traditional family gatherings.

But before I help you deal with your family I want to make sure you take advantage of my free ongoing support: You can learn EXACTLY how to tell the DUDs from the STUDs, how to go from casual to a real commitment and much more by subscribing to my Dating Tips & Relationship Advice Newsletter!

Knowing how to deal with your family when you are single at holiday time is crucial not only to your success in creating the love you want, but also to your own self-esteem and happiness. 

So here are five relationship tips designed specifically for those of you who are single at holiday time:
1. Shock your troublesome ‘bad egg’ relatives into being cordial or even likable. List three things, even small things, like hair color or crossword puzzle ability, you truly appreciate about them. Work these things into your conversation in an authentic way at the beginning of the family visit. This will tend to shock these ‘bad eggs’ into being ‘good eggs.’
2. Use the therapist’s secret. When you’re facing a battle-axe relative, win by refusing to fight. Accept comments about your appearance, weight or singlehood that used to upset you with a pause and a silent prayer for serenity. Remember that getting angry only hurts you. Instead, if you are so inclined recognize that your judger needs help also. So pause , pray and say something like, “I understand what you are saying.” This will save you from escalating a meaningless remark into a battle.
3. Stop worrying about looking good. Maybe you’ve just broken up with someone who your parents liked.  You feel loser-like, vulnerable and lonely coming to the family dinner.  You worry about how you are dressed, the extra pounds you’ve put on and various other assorted silly ideas.  Realize that the way they see you doesn’t really matter.  Underneath whatever they say, they probably love you to pieces.  So forget about looking good. Your real job is to have fun and enjoy yourself.
4. Set up a positive bond when a new boy/girlfriend comes to a holiday dinner with your family. Beforehand, tell both the family and your friend all the “good news” about each other.Introduce discussion topics both have interest in.If you are the newbie in the family, bring an incredibly thoughtful gift for the occasion, ask questions and listen a lot. Appreciate any and all good things about the meal, the house and the family members and remember to tell them what you enjoyed!
5. Create an affirmation for this holiday. You can make an affirmation to have a fun time, no matter that you are single at holiday time. No matter what your family relationships are like. Affirm something like, “This is the happiest Thanksgiving I’ve ever had.” Remember to use the present tense. Instead of engaging in family relationship battles, as soon as it’s possible, give yourself the gift of fun. Excuse yourself and go for a walk or make snow angels with the kids. Setting your intention, is the most important step of being single at holiday time.  This year you will probably be just as happy as you decide to be.

Wishing you much love and happiness,
Dr. Diana

About Dr. Diana Kirschner

Diana Kirschner, Ph.D. is a relationship advice expert, frequent guest psychologist on The Today Show and the creator of a globally available dating coach and Love Mentor® program. Dr. Diana is also the best-selling author of the acclaimed relationship advice book, "Sealing the Deal: The Love Mentor's Guide to Lasting Love", and of the best-selling relationship and dating book, “Love in 90 Days”. Love in 90 Days was the basis of her PBS Special on love. Connect with Dr. Diana through her Dating Tips & Relationship Advice Newsletter.


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