Too much of a good thing is not necessarily good when it comes to the relationship between you and your spouse! Recently a research study on newly married couples done by the University of Iowa showed that providing too much support in the form of advice, emotional comfort, confidence-boosting and financial/material help is associated with less marital satisfaction.
Strange, right? Well before we get into this weird finding on marital satisfaction, please take a moment to subscribe to my free Dating Tips & Relationship Advice Newsletter. It’s chock-full of useful information that will help increase your marital satisfaction and improve your chances at lasting love.
The fine print in this study also showed that too little support was also associated with unhappiness and low marital satisfaction. Men in particular really want just the right dose of emotional support. Like Goldilocks with the temperature of her porridge: not too hot or too cold.
In my experience as a psychologist, couples therapists and head of an Institute that trained marriage therapists, the bottom line for marital harmony is this: the giving of support has to be in line with what your partner actually wants and asks for! Too much advice and too little building up of self-esteem are the most problematic for men. Too much advice, too much emotional support or the other extreme–too little advice–are most difficult for women.
So to create a lasting love relationship, think it through, speak your truth and ask for exactly the support you need from your partner. And only that amount of support.
As to your partner, make sure to read your partner’s signals. Don’t just ignore him/her or simply keep overgiving. Pay attention. Ask your Beloved to be clear about exactly the quantity and quality of support and encouragement they really need.
Wishing you love,