Ah, yes, the non-committal man. Who comes on oh-so-strong in the beginning, promising the sun, moon and the white picket fence, only to get freezing feet when it comes to going from casual to committed. Here’s a letter that says it all:
“Dear Dr. D. I keep picking these guys who just don’t want to commit. I don’t know what it is. I just broke up with the third one! When we first met he said he was open to marriage and children and he seemed to be smitten by me. Things were amazing. But then he just got more and more distant. How can I stop myself from making this same mistake again???” ~Fed-up in Portland
Well “fed-up in Portland” I’m going to share a quiz that you can use to identify the non-committal man and avoid wasting your PRECIOUS TIME with him. Before we get to our non-committal man quiz, I’d like to ask you: Have you ever wondered if it’s possible to meet your soulmate online? If so, then take a moment and sign up for my free Dating Tips & Relationship Advice Newsletter. It’s chock-full of fresh ideas about relationships and special dating advice for women.
The Non-Committal Man Quiz
Believe it or not, there are very clear markers that show how a marriage-minded guy is different from a non-committal man. Rutgers University and The National Marriage Project did two research projects that can help you in your Soulmate search. Here is a quiz loosely based on their results to help you tell whether a guy is probably never going to commit. Give your candidate one point for each “yes” in answering the questions below.
- He did NOT grow up with both biological parents.
- He attends religious services less than one time a month.
- He would NOT agree to a statement like, “You’d be ready to marry tomorrow if the right person came along.”
- He seems to distrust women to tell the truth about prior relationships
- He seems to worry more about the risk of divorce
- He says he does not want children
- He believes that singles have better sex lives than married people
- He would agree with the statement: “There are so many bad marriages today it makes one question the value of marriage.”
- He says that at this stage of life he just wants to have fun
- He has said things like, “If a guy gets married, his biggest problem will be losing his personal freedom.”
Scoring Key: If the number of “yes”s is under 4, he is probably not a non-committal man. He could be in the running to be your soulmate.
If his score is 6 or more “yes”s he may well have commitment problems.
If he has over 8 “yes”s, head for the hills!
Obviously, there are wonderful, available guys who don’t fit the complete profile of the “marrying kind.” But good parental role models and a spiritual or religious background help in molding guys who are more serious about commitment. If marriage is your goal, you may want to watch early on for info and clues about a guy’s upbringing; eagerness for marriage; spiritual or religious activities; general distrust of women; and his fears about losing personal freedom. Don’t waste your time on the Non-Committal Man; he will only break your heart. And if you keep running after these type of guys, please take advantage of a free dating coach session with one of my experts. It could change your life.
Wishing you love,