A recent study of dating behavior at the University of Pennsylvania reveals that people don’t need a lot of time with or information about a person to tell if they’re romantically interested. Sounds like love at first sight, right? Single people’s behavior suggests that individuals know “it” (a person who appeals to them or even love at first sight) when they see it—almost instantly.
The Penn researchers studied data from 10,000+ daters. They found that men and women assessed potential compatibility within moments of meeting, using primarily visual cues such as age, height, and attractiveness. Factors that you might think would be really important to people — like religion, education, and income — did not play much of a role. In other words, love at first sight may exist.
Another interesting study showed that opposites do not attract. In fact people want partners who look like themselves or have similar characteristics. If you feel like you’re attractive, or athletic or sexy—you tend to pick someone who matches you.
In any case, when we do feel instantly that someone is a good fit we usually call this chemistry, infatuation or love at first sight. There is a physical, visceral response when we meet someone and we are smitten. But this is not all good news. Before I tell you why I’d like you to take advantage of my free ongoing support. You can learn EXACTLY how to find and attract your soulmate, how to tell the DUDs from the STUDs, how to go from casual to committed and much much more by subscribing to my Dating Tips & Relationship Advice Newsletter!
Now what’s the problem with love at first sight? Being infatuated with someone and then acting on it too quickly as in having sex too early in the relationship can lead to what I call a Flame-Out Deadly Dating Pattern. In my bestselling dating book Love in 90 Days, I describe this pattern as what happens when the relationship is red hot, emotionally and sexually. You end up hanging out all hours talking with the person—- having a great time in bed and suddenly poof they disappear on you. There’s just too much intimacy too fast with someone you don’t really know. The result: so much fear and anxiety that the relationship is bound to collapse.
This can be OK if you are just looking for a one night stand. But if it lasts longer, your attachment to the lover will deepen. There are physical changes that occur after having sex. Your brain releases Oxytocin, the bonding hormone. Not only that when you spend too much time with a lover your body actually releases opioids. These are the same painkillers found in opium and heroin. And that means when and if your partner disappears on you, it can be very painful. Not only emotionally but physically too. You may feel chest pain or shortness of breath, like you’re having a heart attack. Or fatigued and unable to concentrate.
So the best dating advice I can give you is if you feel chemistry with someone, especially if you feel love at first sight, take it slow, so that you avoid a Flame Out. Don’t spend too much time with them right off the bat or have sex with them too soon. Get to know them first. And if you continue to have trouble with jumping into relationships too quickly, call one of my expert dating coaches for a free consultation by phone or skype.
Wishing you love,