This true love story is from an interview with one of our awesome professional Love Mentors®, Tamara Green, LCSW.
Recently , I was so fortunate to have visited beautiful Sedona, Arizona during a Holiday Family Reunion. I was fascinated with the red earth, the rock formations, the twisted trees, the powerful vortexes and the mystical happenings. Wanting to learn more about this incredible place, I did some research and found out that the American Indians never lived in Sedona because they considered it Sacred Ground. They never dreamed of being hurtful, disrespectful or ungrateful of this wonderful land they called their spiritual home. No, their sole purpose in visiting Sedona was only for worship, soul dancing, meditation, and contemplation. So, at least once per year, the Indians would pack up their tee pees and make their journey to Sedona for their emotional and spiritual evolution. They felt honored, open, trusting and grateful toward this land.
My wonderful mentor and friend, Dr Diana Kirschner, once said to me that love relationships are sacred, or at least they can be. I agree with her 100%! And eventually, my mentee, Samantha, did too. Samantha journeyed from feeling disconnected, discarded and heartbroken in her relationship to feeling like it was sacred, solid ground, a love she could count on. Can you imagine what this planet would be like if everyone believed that relationships were sacred ground, just like the Indians thought of Sedona? Just feel that one for a second. Wow! People would actually treat each other with honor, openness, trust and gratitude – in other words, be a contributor to their relationships.
Samantha started Love Mentoring® when she thought her relationship with Oscar was over. She admittedly was creating quite a bit of drama when ever things did not go her way. But now Samantha and Oscar are deeply bonded in love and planning a solid future together where they will travel the world and take it all in.
How can you make that journey in your love life, just like Samantha did? I started off her sessions with these questions: “Samantha, do you contribute or take away from your relationship? How do you treat this relationship? How do you act? Who are you being, such as, your worst or best self? How would you rate yourself in this relationship (1 being your worst self to 10 being your best self)?” She gave herself a 2. Then I had her explore the roles and identities she was operating from with Oscar. For example, was she the martyr, lazy slug, workaholic, dominator, victim, pleaser, loser, responsible one, thoughtless one, controlling, controlled, abuser, or abused? Samantha realized that she was “The Needy One” and putting pressure on Oscar by needing him to give her what she so desperately wanted – “To fill a void”. And, when that ‘void’ was not being filled, she was able to see that she tramped over, dumped on and complained to Oscar – a lot!. It was clear that she was contributing less than her best and was not treating this relationship as sacred as she could. Samantha and Oscar’s relationship took a complete turnaround when she viewed herself as a contributor. So, instead of looking at Oscar and asking what he should do for her, she asked what she could do for him. Then, Oscar, noticing and appreciating this huge change, naturally started doing this with her, as well.
Now, my question to you is how can you contribute to your partner’s life? In other words, instead of seeing what’s wrong with them or instead of focusing on what they are not doing for you, look at what’s right about them and what they are doing for you! Note: When you are contributing (honoring, valuing, trusting, being in gratitude) to someone else, you are also contributing to yourself. What goes around comes around. So I’m happy to report that every area of Samantha’s life has dramatically improved since starting this program!
Do you remember what it felt like when you first got together with your partner? The romantic sparks were flying, you were so excited to be together, you couldn’t stop thinking of each other and you were constantly planning what you would do or say when you were together again and in each other’s arms. The energy that you two were being was spectacular and huge – the size and brightness of the sun – because you were contributing – honoring, trusting, being open and feeling so much gratitude for one another. You began as Sacred Lasting Love. Then time went by and you started expecting things from one other. For example, “He needs to be home on time”. “She needs to cook the meals”. Then came the judgements, “He’s so inconsiderate of my feelings!”. “She’s always nagging and suffocating me with all of her demands!”. The Sacred Lasting Love starts to get smaller and not so bright. Then comes the anger and frustration with lots of arguments or even worse, the silent treatment. The Sacred Lasting Love shrinks, becoming even more dull. It reaches a high point of disillusionment, deficiency and catastrophe. The relationship is in constant turmoil and the Sacred Lasting Love is now the size of a pea, all black and shriveled. What happened? It started off so grand and amazing and now it’s down right scary!
Are you ready to hear that one simple idea to create Sacred Lasting Love? Are you ready to commit to making one change NOW that could help take your relationship back to sacred? Yes?! Good for you! Here it is: Every day for the next 30 days, tell your partner at least one thing about him or her that you are happy about, appreciate, thankful or grateful for. It doesn’t matter how angry you are at someone, you can always find something about them that you appreciate. Go ahead, try this out and see how things start to change for the better, just like it did for Samantha and Oscar. As a Love Mentor® and Couples Therapist, I have seen marriages on the brink of divorce turn completely around with this easy first step and I know that you and your partner can do it, too!!! Make a stand for yourself, your partner and your relationship and take it back to Sacred Lasting Love!!
Tune into Tamara as she is interviewed on our Love in 90 Days- Blogtalk radio show, live on May 15! (And archived thereafter!)
“How Samantha Used One Simple Idea to Create Sacred Lasting Love” -The dating & relationship advice for women interview with Love Mentor® Tamara Green
DATE: Tuesday, May 15, 2012 TIME: 5:00 pm Pacific/8:00pm Eastern for one hour
COST: No charge JOIN US LIVE VIA: Telephone, Skype, and Replay Access-Click Here For Details
In this free seminar you will discover how to:– Turn around your relationship with Sacred Love– Show up in the relationship to feel happy and fulfilled forever– Get endless love from your relationship– Feel cherished. honored , open, trusting, and more grateful for the one you love– Stay focused on the one facet of your relationship so that you create lasting love together– Create Sacred Lasting Love!And so much more . . .
Thank you, Tamara, for your inspiring and true love story. You can have a free 40-minute love mentoring session by phone or Skype with an expert dating coach like Tamara.
Wishing you love,