Couldn’t resist sharing how one of our Love Mentoring® clients, Darlene got over her very cruel, self-centered and stingy ex, Jim. A man who used and used her and then MOVED ON. Darlene’s Love Mentor suggested one simple exercise that helped her break free. She told Darlene to sit opposite an empty chair and have an imaginary conversation with Jim. Here’s what Darlene said:
“You are so classically narcissistic! You only think of yourself. You sucked me in at first with all this generosity, but once you had me, you only took, took, took. And you were the one who abandoned the relationship, even though I bent over backward for you, you jerk! Withdrawing slowly from me to the point where there was nothing left. You stonewalling jerk!! Even though you were the one withdrawing, you provoked me into ending it by actually going on Match!!!! How humiliating!!”
–At this point Darlene took a pillow and hit the chair that the imaginary Jim was sitting in. Then she continued:
“And now I hear you are happy. It makes me so upset! You never deserved me and I hope in your next relationships you’ll get exactly what you dealt out–a lot of BS in a charming voice. You wasted my time and my life these past 2 years. I fell for it, I didn’t self-protect, I was too anxious to be in a relationship and I ignored the signs. I wanted someone else to do the hard work for me.”
–Finally, Darlene had her “aha”:
“Well Jim, I have learned that I have to do it. I will watch out for myself. I will speak up for myself!”
Airing these pent-up issues and feelings helped Darlene let go and later she moved forward into a relationship with a terrific guy she met at church. Similarly allowing yourself to be with and process your own thoughts and feelings, no matter how painful they are will also allow you to move beyond them and the guy who triggered it all. You CAN get over a painful relationship and move on and up! Try this exercise.
And remember if you are feeling bad, heartbroken, or struggling about a past relationship, you can still get help for free through your own one-on-one 40 minute Love Mentoring® Session by phone or Skype. Just click here & fill out the form. But hurry, here’s a heads up–we are going to be charging a fee for these Intro sessions very soon!
Wishing you love,
Diana Kirschner, Ph.D. has been a frequent guest psychologist on The Today Show & author of the highly acclaimed relationship advice book, “Sealing the Deal: The Love Mentor’s Guide to Lasting Love” as well as the best-selling dating advice book, “Love in 90 Days.” Dr. Diana’s revolutionary work is the basis of her PBS Special on love and dating for over 50s. Connect with Dr. Diana through her FREE Relationship Tips and Dating Advice Newsletter.
Dating Advice for Women Series