Here’s another true love story in our Dating Advice for Women Series. This one is about getting over heartbreak, the heartbreak of a dead relationship. But with a twist.
Anissa, in Chicago was a nervous about losing her marriage. Every time she tried she found she could not talk to her husband Jason. Their bitter silences led to his sleeping in another apartment that they owned. Anissa felt alone, very alone, with an awful sense of panic. Not to mention she was grappling with getting over heartbreak. She loved Jason and wanted him back. Anissa turned to snacks and shopping for comfort, but only found extra pounds packing on to her once-slender frame. The worst part was that everything was falling apart and yet there seemed to be absolutely nothing she could do about it. Things looked very dark.
“I was always told that I had to suck it up and just live with it, whatever was happening. This was even the advice my sister gave me when I tried talking to her about Jason and losing the romance in our marriage, she said it happens and we just move on. Getting over heartbreak was what we women were supposed to do.”
Anissa was not willing to live with that. She did not want to face divorce, with all the fall-out that brought, the trauma to the kids, the loss of the financial stability for the family and the depressive dust that would descend over all of them. She didn’t want to spend years getting over heartbreak. So she asked for a free Dating Coach session and began working with one of my awesome Love Mentors, Joielle Shepherd.
In Love Mentoring® Anissa worked on her Relationship Killer Beliefs. These are the automatic knee-jerk thoughts that sabotage your love future. Anissa had one, which was “There is nothing I can do. Love does not work for me.” Another one was, “I’ll never have love because there’s something wrong with me.” When Relationship Killer beliefs crowd our minds we become immobilized, anxious, resentful and full of self-pity. It becomes difficult if not IMPOSSIBLE to ask for what we need in our love life.
So please take a moment and jot down your Relationship Killer Beliefs. Just seeing them on paper can free your mind a bit. Then underneath those beliefs, write out three things you could ask for that would comfort you, that would tend to soothe these dark and pessimistic Relationship Killer ideas. Then go ahead, take a risk, have some straight talk and aim to shape the love future you really want. This is what Anissa did to change her marriage. Maybe you need a date night. Maybe it is a love letter. Or something else entirely. Feel into what you really want and need in your heart of hearts.
Here’s what Anissa had to say a few months later:
“I really have been learning a lot with you, Joielle, and I’m glad I reached out for help. I’ve learned a lot about not only Jason but about myself. I’m not afraid to ask for what I want and deserve. That’s a huge thing! I feel like a new person and much happier.”
Anissa and Jason became more sexual and passionate with each other. And their dead marriage came back to life.
If you find you need help in getting over heartbreak, or breathing new life into a disappointing relationship, go ahead and get yourself a free Love Mentoring® session by phone or Skype. You can even request Anissa’s Love Mentor, Joielle! Remember getting over heartbreak is something you can do. Just don’t do it alone.
Wishing you love,