Five Secrets to Finding True Love: The Dating Program of Three

Finding True Love

The best strategy you can use to succeed in finding true love is the Dating Program of Three. I have taught this dating and relationship approach to other therapists, clients and students for more than 25 years and it has resulted in great success. In my best-selling dating advice book, Love in 90 Days: The Essential Guide to Finding Your Own True Love, I devote an entire chapter to how and why it works, so for now I’ll just summarize the five most Frequently Asked Questions about this all-important piece of dating advice.

1. Does the program of three mean what I think it does?
Yes, it does.  Date three people at the same time. And be upfront in telling them you’re doing this. And, most importantly, DO NOT have sex with any of them.

2.  How can this work for me?   I can’t even find one good person to date! 
That’s the point–having to find three eligible people means you have to break through your patterns of being too picky or too unavailable. You have to give a chance to the nerdy ones or the
ones who ‘aren’t good enough.’  And you have to screw up your courage, smile, make eye contact and open your mouth to give yourself a chance with the ones who are ‘out of your league.”

3. What about instantaneous chemistry that can be so yummy?
That yummy chemistry often backfires when you are looking for lasting true love. The relationship that starts out red-hot can quickly go stone-cold. When you date three people, you are protected from this rapid moth-to-a-flame over-involvement that is the biggest mistake singles make in love relationships.  Having sex with someone releases oxytocin, the bonding hormone. If great chemistry leads to having sex too soon, this can backfire because you don’t really know each other. On the Program you won’t have that problem because you are not having sex with these people.

If you are truly on the Program of Three you can’t spend all that much time with one person. You can enter relationships in a mature and measured way to avoid premature infatuation, dependency, or pseudo-intimacy. On the Program of Three, if one doesn’t call you, another one will. And you can come from abundance with three possibilities rather than scarcity with just one.

4. What types of men should I be looking for?
You want to enter the world of romance with the attitude of an anthropologist.  Ask yourself: What are the personalities of these natives about? What are they really into? Who fits with you? Who can give you the kind of companionship, nurturance or the belief in you and your dreams that you need to be your best self?

On the Program, you rank order your partners in terms of least to most fulfilling. Less stimulating or enjoyable partners are left behind as they are replaced with higher level ones.

5. Where do I meet these plentiful guys?
You can use two different online dating services, join professional organizations, associations devoted to the arts or political activities, and/or attend interesting educational courses. Advanced courses are best since they attract more men. Get out there. Expand your interests. Break out of your old habit patterns. Try golfing, bowling, or join a business group. Participate in an activity that’s out of the norm for you. Make eye contact and say hello to everyone you meet. Each person has a social network of at least 200 other people who they could potentially introduce you to!

Empower yourself and try the dating program of three.  It can help you in finding true love and creating a lasting love relationship.  To learn more about the Program and the latest information on finding true love that is just right for you please make sure that you subscribe to my free Dating Tips & Relationship Advice Newsletter.

Wishing you love,
Dr. Diana

About Dr. Diana Kirschner

Diana Kirschner, Ph.D. is a relationship advice expert, frequent guest psychologist on The Today Show and the creator of a globally available dating coach and Love Mentor® program. Dr. Diana is also the best-selling author of the acclaimed relationship advice book, "Sealing the Deal: The Love Mentor's Guide to Lasting Love", and of the best-selling relationship and dating book, “Love in 90 Days”. Love in 90 Days was the basis of her PBS Special on love. Connect with Dr. Diana through her Dating Tips & Relationship Advice Newsletter.


  1. kim says

    In response to Shannon: I have been married twice. It didn’t work for me! This book has allowed me to see clearly my deadly dating patterns. By dating 3 men (casually) and not sleeping with them, I am not getting involved too quick. Its awesome! I am not worried about whether or not that one guy calls, I am too busy and not ahnging on every word or over analyzing things. I am not getting involved too quickly with someone who isn’t right. I LOVE this approach…

  2. Shannon says

    No married people I know ever had to make themselves date 3 people at the same time and never had to resort to online dating. They met, they clicked, dated and got married. It was simple for them – why can’t it be simple for the rest of us?

  3. Mar says

    I don’t have a social network of 200 people, though I have a fair number of friends. Where is this 200 people coming from?

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