Five Red Flags That Predict Heartbreak is Ahead

red flagsHere’s another true love story about avoiding red flags from our Dating Advice for Women Series.
Carla, a 50 year old ICU nurse, met Juan, a lean hunk of a guy, at the dog park. As her Pomeranian cavorted with his French bulldog, Juan regaled Carla with stories from his native Ecuador. He was coming on gangbusters, as his dark eyes flashed at hers. He told her he never met a woman like her. Felt like he had known her forever, could share his secrets with her. Carla’s heart was racing by the end of their little chat. Juan even showed Pomeranians at one time! When he casually kissed the back of her hand to say goodbye, Carla was wondering if she had met her soulmate.

But deep inside, she felt that something might be off. Had she missed some red flags?

Carla wound up seeing Juan for a magical four hour date. The night was perfect and magical and she gave in to the overwhelming passions that seethed for him. He said he would love to see her the next day and they soul-kissed goodbye. Carla was dreamy and floating on her way home. She even missed her subway.

And they lived happily after? No. Of course not. Juan never called or emailed again. Carla was teary and heartbroken. She felt played, used and abused.

So Carla decided that she needed some help with her dating life. She asked for a free consultation with one of my dating coaches and in the session got immediate help on not going with her instincts when it came to men. One of the things she discovered about herself was that her intuition in choosing guys was just terrible. She kept missing red flags that would have helped steer her away from heartbreak.

Here then are five of the red flags in romance that Carla learned to avoid right away even though these were exactly the type of guys she was drawn to.

1. Professes undying, overwhelming love at first sight (he doesn’t really know you yet; only his fantasy of you!)
2. Seem too good to be true. Always interested in exactly what you are interested in, agrees with you, does what you want to do. Never fights with you. This guy is not being his real self with you!
3. Seems to be resentful and angry at his ex, the world, his boss and/or others. (a judgmental, angry guy!)
4. Lies to you, even if it is a “small lie.” Slippery. Answers a question with another question. (Probably is or will be a cheater!)
5. Drinks/uses non-prescribed drugs frequently, or in escalating quantities. An alcoholic or addict will not able to consistently be there for you.

If you have read this far I know that you have had at least one of these FRUSTRATING experiences with a guy. First thing is to get you ongoing support! Take a moment and sign up for my free Dating Tips & Relationship Advice Newsletter.

And Carla? Well, I’m happy to share that she is now engaged to a man who is much different from Juan.

If you meet a guy who is showing these red flag signs, be aware that if you go forward in the relationship he may sting and wound you. And a problem relationship has high costs in terms of your emotional, physical and financial health. So head for the hills! Remember there are lots of great guys out there who want a true lasting love!

Sending you love,
Dr. Diana

About Dr. Diana Kirschner

Diana Kirschner, Ph.D. is a relationship advice expert, frequent guest psychologist on The Today Show and the creator of a globally available dating coach and Love Mentor® program. Dr. Diana is also the best-selling author of the acclaimed relationship advice book, "Sealing the Deal: The Love Mentor's Guide to Lasting Love", and of the best-selling relationship and dating book, “Love in 90 Days”. Love in 90 Days was the basis of her PBS Special on love. Connect with Dr. Diana through her Dating Tips & Relationship Advice Newsletter.

Comments

  1. says

    Yes–that is the chapter! All of my work was originally developed while working with both men and women. All my books are applicable to both! The principles work very well for guys. You just have to be more proactive in the dating process.

  2. Daniel says

    Thank you for considering my previous comment.
    I think when you said “the program of 3,” you are referring to the chapter three of Love in 90 Days titled “Dating Three to Find the One.”

    Are there ways I as a guy can benefit from reading this book and possibly your other books?

  3. says

    Hey Daniel,
    Thanks so much!! The program of 3 where you date 3 people casually and take things slow works well for guys as well as women! You can do this in integrity by being up front about taking things slow in dating. There’s lots more about this in Love in 90 Days.
    Wishing you love,
    Diana

  4. Daniel says

    I’m a guy and found this advice especially wise, not just to the girls but to the guys too. I think the best part of this advise is this: “…if you go forward in the relationship he may sting and wound you.”

    I felt a heartbreak before, its results are still here, and hope not to fall in with somebody easily.
    I really love you Dr. Diana. I love you because of your passion and sound advice.

    It’s a great honor if you just say hey in reply!

  5. says

    Thank you for the great tips. It’s so important to pay attention to what people actually do versus what we would like them to do or wish they were like. Too often, we can get hurt by not observing others’ behaviors.

  6. says

    I like Match.com (I am not affiliated)–simply because it has so many people on the site. The higher the numbers, the better shot you have at meeting a great match! I also recommend using a smaller site at the same time, according to your unique interests, like christianmingle.com or jdate.com. If you want to delve into this further, take advantage of a free consult with one of my expert Love Mentors.
    Wishing you love!

  7. tricia berdan says

    Are there any reputable online dating sites or dating services you would recommend?

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