Finding Love After Loss (Weight-Loss, That Is!)

Here’s another remarkable true love story in our Dating Advice for Women Series. It’s a first-person account of finding love after loss by psychologist & weight-loss guru, Dr. Donna Goldstein, who worked with one of our Love Mentors® to find and marry her awesome husband. Here’s a photo of the newlyweds on their blessed wedding day!

finding love

 

Finding Love After Loss (Weight-Loss, That Is!)

by Dr. Donna Goldstein

My heart went to a heavy-set woman who recently posted the following on Facebook; “I am crushed,” she mourned. Everything had been going great with this guy she had met online. They had talked for hours, had good chemistry and she thought he might be close to finding love. He had also said that she was very cute. He then requested a date-stamped recent full-body picture of her. She hesitated to send it, because, like a number of online daters, her 8-year old picture, which showed a medium build, did not reflect her current frame, some 75 lbs. heavier. Upon seeing the picture, he responded with, “You’re a very nice girl, but not my type.”  This was just a little kinder way of saying, “I don’t date bigger women”.

I experienced that reaction several times when I was heavier (and don’t forget “you have such a pretty face”.) Ideally, a man would love you for your heart and soul. However, the harsh reality is that for many men, body type matters.  And even for a smart, kind, funny and exciting woman, this can still be a deal breaker. Men and women have complained to me that when they did meet an online date in person, they were startled that he or she looked nothing like their photos presented on the dating site. It seems that in our culture finding love seems to depend a lot on weight.

As a 200-lb., size 16 “Rubenesque” (voluptuous) woman, I generally got 4 to 5 responses to any of my online postings.  After I lost 70 lbs. and re-emerged as a size 6, the number jumped to over 500. My heart and soul were the same and so was my “pretty face “. However, my new smaller size catapulted me into a more sought-after prospect.

So here are a few dating tips for those committed to finding love online:

  1. Men are visual creatures. Worldwide, men show a preference for the “hourglass” figure.  Clothes, bras and belts that help you get the hourglass shape are great.   Getting to and remaining within your ideal weight range is ideal. For most people this was your weight in high school or college. It will improve your health and your odds of finding love and a great mate online.
  2. Embark upon an exercise regime that you enjoy for fun, toning and energizing. It will make you a more active, interesting person. For example, you can try tennis, yoga, golf or Latin dance. My “hubby to be” noticed my active lifestyle, especially the yoga and belly-dancing.
  3. Your photos should be reflection of who you are today.  In the long run, an 8-year old glamour shot will only hurt your chances.  You can still wearing colorful clothing, show a sense of style and reflect a certain joie de vivre.

I close with a message of hope. I was overweight and a “yo-yo” dieter for over 30 years. I met an amazing man online and was successful in finding love. I asked Dr. Diana for an expert dating coach, followed Dr. Diana’s instructions and we are now happily married after a beautiful 2–year courtship. This could happen to you.

Dr.Donna” Goldstein,  a 25 year veteran psychologist and Certified Heath Coach, teaches a new way to eat and a new way to live,  that can help you break the cycle of yo-yo dieting for good. She has maintained her own 70 lb. weight loss for 6 years and last year helped her clients lose over 5,000 lbs. with no drugs or surgery! Slimandhappy@bellsouth.net

 

About Dr. Diana Kirschner

Diana Kirschner, Ph.D. is a relationship advice expert, frequent guest psychologist on The Today Show and the creator of a globally available dating coach and Love Mentor® program. Dr. Diana is also the best-selling author of the acclaimed relationship advice book, "Sealing the Deal: The Love Mentor's Guide to Lasting Love", and of the best-selling relationship and dating book, “Love in 90 Days”. Love in 90 Days was the basis of her PBS Special on love. Connect with Dr. Diana through her Dating Tips & Relationship Advice Newsletter.

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