Solid research shows tons of benefits from spiritual practice. First of all, studies clearly show that prayer and meditation can and do heal. For example, even when prayer takes place at a distance from a sick person, and those who are praying do not know those they are helping, there can be a positive and healing physical effect. Literally thousands of studies show that meditative practices of all kinds lower stress, anxiety, fear, and even blood pressure, while increasing feelings of being in the present and in a state of connection and serenity.

Even if you consider yourself an agnostic, atheist, or a rationalist, please be willing to open yourself and your love relationship to a Higher Power (HP) or Something Greater than yourself. At least for this one week.

What do I mean by an HP? It could be nature, life, the universe, of which we are but a speck, or the forces of physics that govern everything. If you are so inclined HP could be spirit, light, angels, power animals, or love itself. When you connect to an HP, no matter how you understand it, you don’t have to go the distance alone and make it all happen in your couple by sheer will. Over time you develop a sense that the universe is benevolent and will provide support for you, your Beloved, and the relationship.

This is the ultimate soothing experience that allows you to be PRESENT and able to experience what is happening and how it might be worked out in a win-win way. You can do this instead of being in your head and agonizing about how bad things are, how right you are in the given situation, how your partner will NEVER EVER get it right, and so on. Don’t get stuck in the swamp of negativity and suffering.

Often our attention is so focused on being right and quietly or not so quietly justified, one-upping our partner, or holding onto resentments and how bad we feel, that our partnership seems empty and hopeless. Who do you think is hurt the most by your resentments, whether they are justified or not? Your partner? Your children? Others? Yes, they are hurt, but not as much as this one person.

            That would be YOU.

Switching YOUR ATTENTION over to connecting with a Higher Power helps you stop that misery-resentment process and open up to new solutions. The way this happens is that you become able to receive intuitive gut hunches or messages that help you and, in turn, the whole difficult situation. Usually these new inspired solutions offer both you and your Beloved a way to get your needs met that did not seem possible before. I like the way the great musician and songwriter Kenny Loggins puts it:

“My trust in a higher power that wants me to survive and have love in my life, is what keeps me moving forward no matter what happens.”

Wishing you love,

Dr. Diana

The post Benefits of a Spiritual Practice in Healing Relationships: Part 2 appeared first on Love in 90 Days.

Mother’s Day 2013 is here. Here are four tips for all of you who still are lucky enough to have your mom with you.

•        1.    Give your mom the greatest gift of all—the gift of forgiveness.

Realize what your mom went through growing up and how she did the best she could.  Imagine being her as a little girl with all the painful lessons she learned.

      2. Keep in mind your mom’s loving intention.

Underneath her disapproval or anger is her motivation is to protect you from pain.

3.Touch base with your mom often.

Moving apart and spending less time together is a big loss for your mom.  A little bit of texting, emailing, phoning go a long way to soften the loss.

4. Make a gratitude list about your mom

Make a list of all the lessons learned and the gifts you’ve been given.  Being separate doesn’t mean you throw out all of her blessings. Then email or call her with the list.

Wishing all moms love,

Dr. Diana

Dr. Diana Kirschner ♥ Relationship advice from my heart to yours ♥

The post Happy Mother’s Day appeared first on Love in 90 Days.

“For even as love crowns you so shall he crucify you./Even as he is for your growth so is he for your pruning.…/And then he assigns you to his sacred fire, that you may/ become sacred bread for God’s sacred feast.” ~Kahlil Gibran

Love, as Gibran wrote, is designed to elevate us to the highest peaks and plunge us to the depths of despair. Love truly leads to the greatest joys and the most profound sorrows of the heart. In facing and overcoming those pains we need faith. The very person who we love the most, to whom we are most attached, is only human. And he or she will bounce up against our wounds from our childhoods, dating years, previous bad matches and challenging exes. Even if our Beloved does not re-create the exact same disappointments we have suffered before, we are wired to re-experience the old hurts. Love relationships inevitably bring wounding, disappointments, and betrayals. So we need a big-time force to help us heal, grow, and learn to trust and love again.

But before we get into the “how” of healing I’d like you to take a moment and sign up for my free Dating Tips & Relationship Advice Newsletter. You’ll receive weekly information on how to navigate your relationship life. Tens of thousands of subscribers have enjoyed this service for five years or more. You’ll be glad you did too.

Turning to a spiritual practice or a Higher Power (HP) or the God of your understanding provides that force. Or you can turn to the God that you can’t or don’t understand. It can be the ultimate first aid for heartache; a clearinghouse for your resentments; pain and upset; a balm for your spirit; and the source of a renewed faith in love.

You might think of yourself as an agnostic, atheist, or rationalist. Maybe the God thing turns you off. Perhaps you gave up religion as an adolescent. Maybe you believe that the only god is humankind—that we are the greatest power in the universe.

If so, the only thing I want you to consider is that there seems to be much more going on here. Maybe you have noticed synchronicities: You think of a long-lost friend and he or she suddenly contacts through Facebook. Or you get a gut feeling that a particular event, like bumping into your ex, is going to happen, and there he is right in the middle of the street in a bustling city. These coincidences or synchronicities suggest that there are things happening that are beyond our awareness and understanding. And just maybe a power or force underlies all there is.

Solid research shows tons of benefits from spiritual practice. First of all, studies clearly show that prayer and meditation can and do heal. For example, even when prayer takes place at a distance from a sick person, and those who are praying do not know those they are helping, there can be a positive and healing physical effect. Literally thousands of studies show that meditative practices of all kinds lower stress, anxiety, fear, and even blood pressure, while increasing feelings of being in the present and in a state of connection and serenity.

Even if you consider yourself an agnostic, atheist, or a rationalist, please be willing to open yourself and your love relationship to a Higher Power or Something Greater than yourself.

Tip for Today

Just for today, ask (even if you don’t know who you’re asking) for a small miracle or sign that helps you in the way you need to be helped right now. If you look for it, you will find it.

I look forward to sharing my thoughts on spiritual practice and healing love relationships in the coming days and weeks. Stay tuned.

Wishing you love,

Dr. Diana

Diana Kirschner, Ph.D. has been a frequent guest psychologist on The Today Show & author of the highly acclaimed relationship advice book, “Sealing the Deal: The Love Mentor’s Guide to Lasting Love” as well as the best-selling dating advice book “Love in 90 Days.” Dr. Diana’s revolutionary work is the basis of her PBS Special on love. Connect with Dr. Diana through her FREE Relationship and Dating Advice Newsletter.

The post The Power of Spiritual Practice in Healing Relationships: Part 1 appeared first on Love in 90 Days.

Dating Advice For Women Series

Here’s an email I got from Priscilla who asked for help. “Dr. Diana I need your help.  I swear I am ready to have a real relationship.  With a nice guy.  A good guy.  I’ve really hit bottom and I admit defeat. Just found out that Allen, who I worked with five years ago at my last job and who was crazy about me, the guy who wanted a serious relationship with me but I blew off …. is married with twins.”

Well, I sent Priscilla into Love Mentoring and we’ll catch up with her later on. Maybe like Priscilla you’re done with players, elusive hotties, the ones who come on strong and disappear, cheaters and all-around heartbreakers.  You are sick of being disappointed, hurt, betrayed, furious and depressed.  Sick of lying on the couch with the remote and your cell while you go through a whole tissue box worth of tears.  Your mind tells you that choosing from a pool of nice guys will save you from more wasted time with men who are not into you, scoundrels who betray you or narcissists who blame you for any and every problem.  You are ready for a partner who is your best friend.  But there is one hitch:  You just don’t feel it with the nice guys.  No chemistry.  No tingle.  No adrenaline rush when he looks into your eyes. There is this one guy you met online, the paunchy one.  He is a great guy, successful, giving, crazy about you, and even has nice eyes, you think.  But there is no spark.  Are you doomed because of some weird neurological wiring and biochemistry to only be drawn to those you can’t have?

Answer: No you’re not.  I’ve worked with many women who complained of the same dilemma. And now they are married to great guys.  What’s their secret?  Before we get into that I’d like you to take advantage of my free ongoing support by signing up for my free Dating Tips & Relationship Advice Newsletter. You’ll get fresh dating and relationship information that is based on research and clinical practice. Click here and get started today.

So what are the secrets that these women have used to be in committed relationships with great guys, good men who have integrity and are loyal.  Here then are six relationship tips that my Love Mentors share with their clients who are in the Love Mentoring program.  Please use them to join the ranks of women who overcame their initial lack of attraction and fell in love with terrific guys.

1. Remember to give him a real chance. Even if he is balding, paunchy, nerdy, or is not particularly attractive.  In fact, you want to date against type.    Be honest with yourself: Has dating your type gotten you anywhere?  Even if you are not exactly blown away on the first date, remember to stay open.  Go for at least a second or third date.  You cannot know what secret goodies are hidden in someone just by meeting them once.  You have to let a potential partner unfold and show you his different sides.  If there is any connection with this person at all, give it another chance. Chemistry can happen in a heartbeat.
2.   Practice my Opening Possibility Exercises Now (OPEN.)    If a guy seems crazy about you, is willing to grow, and is a good guy–use my OPEN Techniques to see what may be there.  First, think of him as a present wrapped in nested boxes.  As you interact, you are unwrapping the present and finding out more and more things about him that may be wonderful.  This process often leads to marvelous chemistry and connection!
3. Use affirmations before each date.  I have fun with this man.  I see the hidden possibilities in (his name).  This man is a present for my enjoyment. More will be revealed about this person.  I uncover and enjoy the wonderful aspects of this man.  I find chemistry with (his name). 
4. Go on dates that are exciting, novel and get the adrenaline pumping.  Novel experiences can stimulate adrenaline and give you a rush while exciting dates produce dopamine, the brain chemical of love. Go on a roller coaster at the amusement park, rock climbing at your gym, take a helicopter ride, try hiking on a high, winding trail or wind-surfing, make a mad dash to catch sunset at the beach, scream yourselves silly at a football game or the racetrack.  Studies show that people who are emotionally aroused, whether by joy, fear, or any feeling, fall in love more easily.  As two love researchers once wrote, “Adrenaline makes the heart grow fonder.”
5. See him in his element.  Plan a date around skiing, a performance of his rock band, a wine-tasting event or whatever he excels at.  You will catch sides of him you haven’t seen before.  His personal power and charisma will be at their height and just may open up a host of juicy feelings.
6. Try turning yourself on first.  Go on a date wearing your sexiest lingerie under your clothes.  Flirt with him, get touchy-feely, whisper in his ear and maybe kiss him.

If he suddenly comes back with some sensual moves, your ‘chemistry experiment’ may prove to be a sparkling success!  Remember, that love almost always comes in a surprise package; most people do not end up with the kind of person they imagine for themselves.  The woman who dates starving artists marries a rich, balding lawyer.  And Priscilla, remember her? She worked with one of my terrific Love Mentors and created a gem of a marriage with a short plain guy who was her champion and a healing force of nature in her life.  So practice these six relationship tips and your love life will make a 180° turn.

Diana Kirschner, Ph.D. has been a frequent guest psychologist on The Today Show & author of the highly acclaimed relationship advice book, “Sealing the Deal: The Love Mentor’s Guide to Lasting Love” as well as the best-selling dating advice book “Love in 90 Days.” Dr. Diana’s revolutionary work is the basis of her PBS Special on love. Connect with Dr. Diana through her FREE Relationship and Dating Advice Newsletter. 

The post Six Relationship Tips to Spark Chemistry with a Good Man appeared first on Love in 90 Days.

But the soul mate idea also carries with it the belief that a perfect person exists for us, if only we could find him or her. Then love and life would be easy.  This last belief has gotten people into a lot of trouble, especially in the area of commitment. By insisting on finding a perfect partner, many people have walked away from really great potential partners. Why? Because something was missing. Maybe it was chemistry or that he/she didn’t match their ideal of the One and so on.  

If you are afraid that you are missing out on finding a real soul mate, definitely take advantage of my FREE Dating Tips and Relationship Advice Newsletter where we cover your most pressing questions about finding and keeping a love relationship. Click here to sign up now. 

So what does science have to say about all soul mates? Psychologists have found that people fall into two groups on the question of what makes for a successful relationship: Group one believes it’s based primarily on finding the “right person” (soul mate); while group two believes in the “work at it consistently” approach to lasting love.  The soul mate group believes that choosing the right person helps overcome most of the problems that love throws our way. And if it doesn’t go so easy, we must have picked the wrong person.  So therefore on to the next partner.  The “work at it” group believes that there are no perfect princes or princesses and that we are all works in progress.  Therefore, a lasting love relationship is never an easy process and we shouldn’t ever expect that. Having been a psychologist for more than 25 years and married to one man for the same long stretch, I can tell you that there are no perfect partners out there.  Not me.  Not my husband.  Not any of my many clients, friends, or family members.  Lasting love is a hard-won battle of personal discipline, compromise, dedication and commitment. 

That’s why I decided to write How to Find Your Soulmate Online in Six Simple Steps. This ebook, which costs less than a latte at Starbucks will show you the most effective ways to meet your soulmate online. What to look for and what you must do to prepare yourself to meet the One.  So first off I want you to know that, chances are very good, there is more than one person, in fact several Ones who could fit the bill for you.  And all of them are less than perfect. But if there are no perfect partners, how can you know whether your current partner can fit the bill as a soul mate?  Here from the book are 11 relationship markers to help you know to what degree he is one of the Ones:

1 – When you’re with him you feel like you’ve come home.
2 – You feel like your partnership was meant to be as if kissed by destiny.
3 – In your communication with each other there is a rapid “knowing” of what each of you means.
4 – You have a shared mission in life, perhaps a cause, a career, or the creation of a family.
5 – When you’re together the world seems like a better place.
6 – Your mood is elevated when you’re together. It’s not necessarily passion or excitement, although that’s there too at times.
7 – When you look at him you see a part of yourself that’s been missing. Perhaps it’s his assertiveness or joy of adventure.  But it’s something that when added to your life, makes you feel more complete.
8 – Being together makes you more hopeful about the future you are creating.
9 – You can be more authentic and fully yourself around your partner.
10 – Being together makes each of you work harder on overcoming bad habits and becoming more loving people. 
11 – These special qualities of connection are growing over time.  Not disappearing completely or diminishing.  

 

Don’t worry if you don’t feel all 11 of these things happening when you’re with your partner.  That’s where the imperfection comes in–either in you or your partner.  If you are experiencing six or more of these markers, chances are you are matched well.  Over time you can work towards having all 11 of these soul mate qualities. So pick up a copy of How to Find Your Soulmate Online in 6 Simple Steps and let me show you how you can find your soulmate.  

Here’s a letter from Robin who used Love Mentoring to marry her soul mate:

“Having a Love Mentor was what allowed me to get married.  That guidance helped me get over my tendency to blame the other person and wanting to be right. Nurturing loving guidance combined with a firm hand in letting me know when I was being a spoiled brat allowed me to look at my own patterns from a neutral perspective.  I learned that I deserve to be supported on all levels, including financially–that I could have a true reciprocal loving partnership. Our wedding was spectacular and I couldn’t be any happier!”

 

Wishing you great love,

 

Dr. Diana

 

Diana Kirschner, Ph.D. is a frequent guest psychologist on The Today Show & the creator of global free mentoring love sessions, author of the newly released How to Find Your Soulmate Online in 6 Simple Steps and the best-selling dating advice book, “Love in 90 Days.” Dr. Diana’s revolutionary work is the basis of her PBS Special on love. Connect with Dr. Diana through her FREE Relationship and Dating Advice Newsletter.

The post How Do I Know If I’ve Found My Soul Mate? appeared first on Love in 90 Days.