This Tuesday I was on the Today Show with Woman’s Day Magazine Health Editor, Amy Brightfield discussing, marriage and if there really is a happily ever after. Woman’s Day and AOL Living surveyed more than 35,000 women to find out how they feel about their husbands and marriages. The results? Wedded bliss isn’t always so blissful.
Click here to watch the segment.
The survey said that 72% of these women have considered leaving their husbands.This result is not surprising to me. All marriages have their ups and downs. When you’re in a downtick, feeling disappointed, wounded, or angry, it is normal to think about leaving. It doesn’t mean you need to leave. Or that the marriage is over.
There are no perfect husbands. At least after the first 2-3 years! The crazy-in-love infatuation phase fades out after 2-3 years of marriage. Then comes disappointment and fighting—it is all part of marriage. When you feel like leaving, it is time to roll up your sleeves and work on the relationship, practice forgiveness, lovingly ask for what you need, go for a walk-and-talk, on a romantic date. Most importantly, reconnect.
Another interesting survey result is that 79% of these women want sex more often and 52% of them say they have NO sex life…or a dull one at best. Usually it’s the men who feel this way. But now it is less taboo for women to talk about sexual dissatisfaction in their marriage. These days men’s ED issues are plastered all over the television. There are commercials about couples ecstatically overcoming their sexual problems. And women feel they have the right to have a sexually satisfying marriage the way men did in the past.
Only 19% called their sex life satisfying. I believe this is because very often sex falls to the bottom of the To-Do list, after work, errands and especially kid’s activities—because these days families are super child-focused. The answer is to put sex at the top of the To-Do list. Set up a babysitter away from the house and have a romantic, sexy stay-at-home date. Flirt with your husband, imagine you are having an affair with him. Send him sexy text messages during the day.
Also, 41% of married couples say they don’t have a date night. This is alarming!! People do not understand how very important it is to spend time alone as a couple. All the research shows that couple alone time is one of the markers of a happy marriage. 80% of couples divorce because they have lost the sense of connection, the one-on-one friendship that underlies a good marriage.
Another interesting result, 46% of women say that their husbands have changed for the worse since marriage. This result stems in part from a natural process in marriage. As you get to know your partner, sometime the endearing things become the very things that bother you the most. He used to be interested in everything you do when you first met. It was adorable then. Now it’s smothering. The work of marriage it to learn how to lovingly ask for what you need and to help your spouse become a better partner for you while you become a better partner for him.
In spite of all the negativity, 71% of the women surveyed say they expect to be married to their spouses for the rest of their lives. I think this shows that women are very savvy and they know that by working to overcome or work around these problems, they can keep all the benefits and advantages that come with being married.
All love relationships are complex. They bring the highest highs and lowest lows. This is why love is such a fantastic crucible for growth.
Wishing you love,
Dr. Diana
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{ 3 comments… read them below or add one }
This is one of the better articles I have read on the subject of marriage. Marriages shouldn’t be hard work but for many they are. People have a habit of letting things slide until they wake up one day to big problem in their marriage.
You hit on a big problem when you mentioned some women have no sex life. There are pyschological reasons for this apart from the obvious physical ones. I know I have been there.
Making marriage in America stronger will require a fundamental shift in cultural values and public policy. I guess the time has come to shift the focus of national attention from divorce to marriage and to rebuild a family culture based on enduring marital relationships.
No one sector of society is responsible for the decline of marriage. We are all part of the problem, and therefore we all must be part of the solution. We must reclaim the ideal of marital permanence and recognize that out-of-wedlock childbearing does harm. Our goal for the next generation should be to increase the proportion of children who grow up with their two married parents and decrease the proportion who do not. Possible strategies for regaining a marriage culture are addressed to each major sector of society.
Hi Diana,
All y’r articles are pretty good…they are really helpful in many ways. I am curious for your next article ..please