Here is another treat in the dating advice for women series! A true (or should that be True Blood?) dating story from a woman in love mentoring who thought “Vampire Bill” was her soulmate!
Have you ever seen True Blood? Well, it’s all about a virginal clairvoyant named Sookie and her encounters with supernatural beings like vampires, especially one sexy and virtuous vampire named Bill. She became immediately enamored with him because she could not read his thoughts. Finally! A man with whom she could relax and enjoy quiet reflection. On the flip-side, Bill could “glamor” any human he wanted something from…except Sookie. They were drawn to each other simply because their natural gifts were useless and they could just be themselves.
I had my own run-in with a man I will call Bill for this very reason. I spotted him staring from across a crowded concert. Usually men in my city aren’t so forward as to stare directly and intently, so I assumed he was from out of town. After sneaking a few more glances his way, I determined he was alone… and very handsome. I got a wonderfully sweet and sincere “vibe” from him so I waved him over. He immediately hit it off with my group of friends. We had wonderful conversation and danced the night away. Bill was in town from LA to see the Dalai Lama, and so he left a bit early to join the group meditation led by his holiness early the following morning. Of course he didn’t leave without requesting my number and a dinner date the next evening, another assertive quality that I find to be rare in men in my city. It felt especially magical because I had just begun researching a career change and relocation to LA… go figure! I was totally blinded by his halo of goodness and my good luck.
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Over dinner he told me all about his passion for Aikido martial arts and Tibetan Buddhist meditation, teachings and retreats. He worked as a trainer for the elderly and pursued a masters degree in Chinese medicine. He also informed me that he was not open to a relationship having just broken up with his girlfriend of 5 years, but he would open his heart to me, just as he would to any person he connected with as part of his spiritual practice. We shared things only old friends would and had wonderful, insightful conversation deep into the night. After dodging his advances a few times I finally let him kiss me. He was so humble, gentle and sweet. I trusted him immediately and completely. I have to admit with that kind of chemistry jolting through my veins, I was hooked.
I travel quite a bit for work and so I wished him a good nights sleep, safe travels and hopes that we could meet again in his hometown. He agreed that it would be really fun to hang out again. Over the weeks that followed our first date up until the days before my expected arrival in LA, he called, emailed or texted me every day, as frequently as his schedule would allow. I was flattered, but more than that, I was impressed with his ability to stay neutral while we discussed several topics that struck deeps chords in my soul and caused some emotional upheaval. He assured me there were no judgments and that it was safe to tell him anything. For the first time I felt like I could just relax and enjoy my reflections without causing anger or judgment. I was wrong.
Things unraveled when I expressed my distaste for his use of my photos to pleasure himself. By the 3rd time I mentioned my displeasure, he told me I was selfish and that I was projecting my sexual problems onto him. We had an argument. With my very best Diamond-Self judgment intact, I sincerely felt I had expressed fear, sadness and disinterested feelings, not anger or judgment in hearing about his personal habits. He ranted about how he could always “glamor” any girl he wanted and that he always got into these type of arguments and issues because I wanted more than he could give. I felt like he was projecting every other dating relationship issue he had ever had to us. When I backpedaled and tried to transition our connection into friendship, he told me he did not believe in friendship between men and women. We talked through it, but I was a bit unnerved and decided not to disclose anymore of my problems, at least not until I felt I could trust him again.
A week of more funny inside jokes and conversation passed and so I shared my travel itinerary to LA with him. We made arrangements for another date. Our connection was definitely romantic, but I had told him he should not expect sex. One solid month of intense conversation over the phone felt like several dates to me, but he has still not mentioned any interest in a commitment with me. Of course in my mind, that commitment and love connection might still happen once we spent time together again in person and then I would definitely want to sleep with him. The possibilities still felt endless to me, even though the writing was on the wall!
I was trying to fit our date into my day off of work in LA, which was planned around his schedule. When his schedule changed, he asked to change our date. Then he mentioned that his ex could not watch his dog for the day because it would be inconsiderate to ask her to take care of his responsibilities while he was “off banging some chick.” At first I took it as his sense of humor, but it did not sit well with me for obvious reasons. The old me would have hoped it was just a joke and brushed it off. With my diamond self in full effect, I told him that he needed to treat me with greater respect. He told me “I can’t handle this” because he was sick of all our “negative interactions” and “couldn’t give me what I wanted” and that he was “not open to debate the issue any further.”
At that point I realized we never talked about what we wanted. We talked about what he DIDN’T want and we talked about my problems. No wonder things were so messed up! He thought I was just some chick with a whole lot of baggage who didn’t have any expectations whatsoever. I told him I cared about him as much as I cared about all my friends and loved ones, but that I simply could not tolerate disrespect. I have not heard from him since.
In the end, like Sookie, he was not able to glamor me, but only thanks to Dr. Diana’s love mentoring program. If he and I should ever encounter each other again, I can at least respect myself enough to know that I was not just another woman he used for sex with while recovering from his breakup. Also, I’ve learned to take men for face value. From now on I will not be glamored by their sweet actions when their words spell out something completely bad for me: “I’m not open to a relationship” plus meaningful conversation and phone calls, letters, dates, paying for dinner, making plans and constantly texting sweet nothings all day, everyday does not mean he’s looking for love or a commitment. It means he looking for sex and HE’S NOT INTO A RELATIONSHIP…period! Hopefully one day soon I’ll meet my Soulmate, a man who respects me and loves me for standing my ground and does not shut down or run off. Many thanks,
Thanks so much, “A”!!! Hope you enjoyed her awesome dating advice! For lots more on developing your empowered charismatic Diamond Self or taking charge of your dating and love life so that you find and keep your Soulmate, be sure to sign up for my free Dating Tips & Relationship Advice Newsletter.
Wishing you love,
Dr. Diana Kirschner ♥Dating and Relationship Advice from my Heart to Yours♥