Have you ever wondered if it’s better to wait to have sex. Well here’s some dating and mating advice from a mathematician and economist. these researchers used game theory in a study that shows that a longer courtship before having sex allows the male to show that he is “good” from the female’s vantage point. “Goodness” was defined as his perceived willingness to care for children after mating. The dating and mating advice study, by Seymour and Sozou, is titled “Duration of courtship effort as a costly sign.”
IMO, this study is amusing in that the researchers actually use value-laden terms of “good” and “bad”. In my view there is nothing “wrong” with having sex. But jumping into an intimate relationship before you know someone is not usually a great choice for either a man or a woman–if they have a goal of creating a lasting love relationship. Here’s why this piece of dating and mating advice is so right on:
Having sex drives up levels of the hormone, oxytocin, which in turn can create a strong biological attachment. Oxytocin has been called the cuddle, bonding, or tend-and-befriend hormone. Throughout the whole sexual act you will experience increases in this hormone. This means that your body may start the attachment process with almost anyone you bed, whether or not you know: a) if you like them; b) if they are the kind of partner you want; or, c) whether they want to be in a relationship with you.
In addition, rushing into an intimate relationship can cause the release of dopamine, which is the infatuation biochemical. This means your body may organize you to feel like you are wildly in love, even if this person is not someone who will be the kind of partner you truly want.
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Bottom line: A conscious and deliberate decision to hold off on sex until you get to know someone is not in the least manipulative–for either a man or a woman who is interested in lasting love. It is not some secret agenda that must be kept hidden. It has to do with being clear about one’s relationship goals and finding someone who is truly compatible and shares a similar vision.
The decision to wait is totally in line with the powerful Love in 90 Days Dating Program I describe in my dating advice book dating advice book, Love in 90 Days: The Essential Guide to Finding Your Own True Love. Our love mentor clients and students (of all ages) of my books are having great success in finding soulmates and creating lasting love and committed relationships. How, by first casually dating a few guys and not having sex with any of them at the outset (a little kissing and canoodling is OK). Until they meet the right One. Even then they wait to have sex. When you follow the Program and find the One, you will have the juicy, lasting love connection feeds the soul.
Lots of love,