Scads of women have been highly disappointed to sleep with a new guy one night only to wake up and find that he has disappeared. What is up with men? Are they really only after sex? TV ads, sitcoms, reality shows and celebrity magazines seem to tell us so. There are guys in commercials chasing babes. Men in sitcoms making jokes showing they are always on the look out to score. Steamy make-out scenes and couples rushing off into the bedroom on reality shows. Newspapers and magazines highlight male politicians or celebrities like Tiger Woods who are cheating on their wives—prominently on their covers.
Are guys really shallow creatures who are looking to add conquest notches to their belts?
Well, take a look at the real guys in your life. Is the average man like the characters portrayed in the media? Think about it. For the most part, the answer is no. While smooth-talking “bad boys” can be an enormous distraction to a single woman, this type of single guy is not typical.
Sand, Fisher, Rosen & Julia Heiman, Director of the Kinsey Institute, did an eight country random survey of 27,839 men ages 20-75 (Journal of Sexual Medicine, 2008, vol.5, 583-594). Using a tool (pun intended) called the Mens’ Attitudes to Life Events and Sexuality (MALES) the authors found that men’s perceptions of masculinity and quality of life differed markedly from the stereotype of a man “being after only one thing”.
So what is most important to men if it’s not sex? Across all countries, being seen as a “man of honor” was the single highest ideal in the study– far more important than “being physically attractive,” “having success with women,” or “having an active sex life.”
The MALES findings are in agreement with what I’ve found in over 25 years of clinical practice and discuss in the paperback version of Love in 90 Days. I’ve included an important new chapter called Dating Games Men Play in which I describe 16 different problematic male relationship patterns and how to deal with them. Despite fears of being vulnerable, of being loved and loving, most men want to be honorable rather than be cads. Only three of the 16 types are rated unworkable for lasting love.
For example, a small percentage of men are caught in what I call the Player Deadly Dating Pattern. These sizzling charmers can be enormously infatuating to women because of their smooth alpha behavior. But under that seductive bravado they are usually terribly insecure, have low self worth and a narcissistic “me-first mentality.” These are the men who value conquest over connection and being honorable. For these reasons, the Player can create a great deal of trouble for women who want a lasting love relationship.
It is critical for a woman to see the warning signs of a Player and save herself the aggravation and heartbreak. No matter how irresistible he is!!! You can read a whole lot more about men’s deadly dating patterns and hundreds of other dating tips and relationship advice in the paperback, Love in 90 Days, including:
- Men’s 16 most common dead-end dating patterns & what to do about them (Chapter 3)
- Key warning signs of each pattern along with a rating of its degree of difficulty (pages 46-68)
- How to tell when it’s time to stay & work on the relationship or to cut your losses and go (pages 69-70)
Hurry and check it out at http://www.lovein90days.com/new-dating-book/
Diana Kirschner, Ph.D. is a frequent guest psychologist on The Today Show & best-selling author of “Love in 90 Days” (dating advice book)” out now in paperback (at Amazon) with a new chapter on “Dating Games Men Play.” Love in 90 Days was the basis of her PBS Special on love. Connect with Dr. Diana through her FREE relationship & dating advice newsletter.
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It’s sad but true. Men are only after sex. They’re like animals, they just want to take you home and get into your bed. Of course there are also some exceptions but most of men are like this. I’m lucky to have a wonderful boyfriend who loves me and doesn’t put sex above our relationship.
A friend just forwarded me a link to this page. I’m not exactly sure why, but I thought I’d give constructive critism to note that in my view you have a straight-forward (which is positive!) writing style, but I think you could’ve covered it little more thoroughly. In any case I still enjoyed browsing your site.
Well may be you are right but I think there are some men still left on the earth who are eager to find true love……….women just need to pick them up.
Thank you for sharing this post, it was insightful.