Do you ever feel that down deep men are afraid of women? Like they give off these vibes of discomfort, uneasiness, or anxiety about relating to their partners? Like they can never understand or please us? Yet, it also seems that it’s critically important that they make us happy?
Well you are picking up on real gender differences. Differences that are not just due to biology, but that are also based on the structure of men’s early childhood experiences. Think about it: Most guys had a woman as their first and primary caretaker in infancy. Their comfort, their happiness, their very survival depended on this all powerful figure. This means to some degree, depending on the progress he has made in psychologically becoming independent, a guy may feel like a little boy in relation to his partner– who symbolically represents his mother. As anthropologist Henrietta Moore put it: All relations are with M(others).
Nowhere is this truer than with a man’s intimate partner. It may be very difficult for a man to remain separate emotionally from his girlfriend—her happiness is his happiness. Just as he felt a need to please his mother, he has that strong need to please his partner. And one big reason why a guy can’t commit is that he may feel unable to do so.
Bottom line dating advice for women: Don’t worry so much about making him happy! Be sure to enjoy yourself and appreciate what goes on when you are with your boyfriend. Make yourself happy and chances are, if he is into you, he will be happy too. And he will want to take the next step into a deeper commitment and shared happiness with you.
And don’t forget: You can learn EXACTLY how to Find, Attract and Date terrific guys and create Lasting Love that is just right for you by subscribing to my Dating Tips & Relationship Advice Newsletter, absolutely FREE!
Wishing you the greatest love!!!
xo
Dr. Diana Kirschner
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I agree, in a relationship, ladies should not worry too much on making a guy happy. Instead, we should focus on our own happiness. Yes, we need to let men feel they are appreciated but we need not to over emphasize it. Just be yourself, enjoy every moment, appreciate when there is a need to, have fun!
Great advice! As women we need to remember to stop over analyzing and taking care of our partners all the time and just enjoy the relationship! I just came across this video on several mobile apps that are designed to help women in the dating world:
http://vimeo.com/7733295
Definitely worth a watch. Good luck out there ladies!
Great thought! I needed to read that! I have been down on myself lately and it shows up in my relationship.
I agree. Great advice!
Nice tip, Diana. I agree with what you said about enjoying yourself first before being worried about what would make him happy. It’s all about knowing what you value you in life and defining what’s important to you so you can easily experience the mutual respect and consideration you desire. If you know what you want and what you value, you’ll gain the confidence to ask for what you want and know that you’re worth getting it.
Happy holidays and enjoy the coming year!