This article on the power of journaling is another in the Dating Advice for Women Series.
Rachel, one of the awesome women in our Love Mentoring® program is rockin’ it on her journey to creating an extraordinary love relationship. How? She took on a specific type of journaling exercise that I describe in the dating advice book, Love in 90 Days, the “Loveless Eulogy”. In this journaling exercise you fast forward to a vision of the life that your deadly dating patterns, fear and self sabotage have laid out for you—a loveless life. And you write your own eulogy. So you can then decide if this is the reality you want to live into.
I wanted to share Rachel’s journaling with you (with her permission, of course!)
Journaling Exercise #1: Rachel died today and it is with sadness that I say that she was happiest when she was in a couple. I believe that to be true, for she was unbearably romantic. The problem came when she began to develop intimacy with another. She found reasons why the relationship, deep down, would not last. Sometimes she told herself that it was her partner who did not quite measure up to her expectations, or was flawed in certain ways. Other times it was when her partner unknowingly and unintentionally did something to hurt her. She would allow that pain to penetrate to her deepest pain center and there it would sit and fester—the old wound opened anew that she never allowed to heal
As much as she outwardly proclaimed her love optimism, inwardly, she was the consummate pessimist, she would bristle when confronted with this possibility, and intellectually would qualify her pessimism being more akin to realism or at the very least, wise skepticism. This conflict of head and heart was terribly confusing to her friends, her partners, and mostly to herself. Yet, it was simply too difficult for her to change. Her indelible conclusion was that if she truly gave her heart, it ultimately would not be wanted by the one she offered it to. And so, instead of having faith in love and holding hope in the face of set-backs and disappointments, she allowed those set-backs and disappointments to erect an impenetrable wall around her heart. She became lost in the grief of rejection that she assumed would happen.
The truest of tragedies about all of this is that Rachel had an infinite capacity for love. Indeed, if you asked her what she believed her soul’s purpose was, it was for love. Her heart was filled with potential and it soared with the feelings from another and for another. She lived too much in her head, though, over thinking, and unfortunately, talking her heart into destroying love. If only she had listened to her heart, followed her heart, and quieted her frightened, doubtful mind, she could have taken the leap. She could have found the faith that was barely beyond her grasp.
Rachel died a woman of dichotomy, who on the outside lived a decent life with friends, family, a well-appointed home, adventures and travels; many outward achievements that marked her life. Yet her heart died lonely and unfulfilled. Her stubborn mind controlled the romantic spirit and wore down her belief that love could be received by her and wanted from her. When she had the chance to change her mind, she chose to remain in the emotional prison of she had created. She chose to guard the walls around her heart, allowing no one complete access. She chose not to believe in true, absolute, and lasting love. That’s the most profound loss of it all; it was she who chose her own loneliness.
Rachel also worked very closely with her expert Dating Coach and then she tackled the next journaling exercise called the Right Time to Believe in Love.
Journaling Exercise #2
Why now is a good time to love and why I am ready for the first time in my life to love with complete trust, faith, and belief in myself, my partner, and my relationship
This journaling exercise is every bit as humbling as the previous one, for if you ask me to be absolutely honest. I will say that I believe I am ready for a relationship, yet is anyone ever completely ready? Are not the dynamics unpredictable when two hearts, minds, and spirits interact teach and learn from each other? You simply don’t know until you dive in and try. That’s my lesson from our Love Mentoring® work so far: to strip away the shroud of fears and jump with joyful faith into the risk. Once there, I believe I am far better prepared to flow with the give and take of relating.
I can say that I am more emotionally equipped to be a solid partner as I deal with my core fears and killer belief of “the chase me problem,” I can say that I am encouraged, feeling stronger by the day, more in tune and more fond of myself as I grow. I can say that my Love Mentoring experience is being noticed by others. I can say that the issues raised by my partner were key and have haunted me long enough so that each day I pour my passion and exert my will into resolving them permanently. I am pleased by my progress. So in this regard, yes I am ready.
Thank you Rachel, for your inspiring and powerful journaling work!
Wishing you love,