Welcome back to Part 2 of Dating Advice for Women over 45. In Part 1, we covered the sea change that is the new world of dating and relationships. In this part we look at key four key dating tips for this fantastic age group.
Youthify
You must be active and healthy in order to enjoy the hunt, and the fruits of your labor. Exercise is the key to our first dating tip. Exercise creates a happier mood, increased stamina, a youthful body, heightened sex drive and is the perfect tonic for getting over a failed relationship. Regular cardio and resistance training also help reverse the aging process.
For the outer and inner you, start a regular cardio and weight-lifting program with your doctor’s permission. Exercising regularly lays the groundwork for health, which is the foundation for a vital sexual life. A comprehensive study of more than 3,000 adults showed that 73% aged 57 to 64 and 53% of those aged 65 to 74 were sexually active; even more important was the finding that among those who reported good or excellent health, a whopping 81% of the men and 51% of the women said they had been sexually active in the past year, versus only 47% and 26% of men and women who had health issues. Around half of both men and women under 75 had engaged in oral sex in the previous twelve months. These findings do not surprise me. In my clinical experience many women find that as they are older, they are more in touch with what they want in the bedroom and more comfortable asking for it.
Get a Makeover
The second dating tip is to give yourself a makeover and a trendy haircut so that you become an ageless beauty. Go shopping and try out those clothes that your friend wears that give her that special sexy oomph. If you need help ask someone you know who knows makeup and clothes to mentor you. He or she will be pleased to do so.
Before we continue with the next two dating tips I want to make sure you know that you can get expert help tailored for over-45s by contacting me ASAP. I’ll make sure you can have FREE coaching from one of my expert Love Mentors™ by phone or Skype. Each one has a long background in transformational work, is in a committed lasting love relationship (so they walk the talk) and is closely supervised by me. Most importantly, each Love Mentor is gifted and knows how to help women in your age group move forward to the love relationship you really want! You can read about an over-50 gal who used love mentoring, married the love of her life and was featured in The New York Times.
The best news is that we can give you an introductory 40 minute one-on-one personalized session by phone or Skype for FREE. No strings attached. Just click here or go to http://lovein90days.com/coaching// to get your own personal FREE session by phone or Skype ASAP, because the time slots are filling up very fast.
Counter Your Negative Self-Talk
Third, it is important to counter any of your negative self-talk about no available men, saggy breasts, wrinkles and all the other garbage thinking with positive affirmations. Anne, one of our love mentees whom we met earlier in Part 1, describes the inner process that ultimately led to her dating better men:
It became obvious to me that I needed to take a good look in the mirror to see why I had a repeated pattern of attracting less than satisfying partners. I began doing some inner house cleaning, no holds barred. I started to be really honest, to move out of self-deception and pretense. I realized that if I wanted a really great guy, I needed to become a really great woman, and a terrific human being… I appreciated and cultivated my better qualities and accepted the flaws. I focused on what was right and uplifting and gave up caring about the more superficial nit-picky things that had nagged at me and made me feel self-conscious…
Anne is now happily married to Jay.
Get Online
Fourth, no matter what your age, don’t be shy—date off- and online. Put the word out in your network of friends, co-workers, and family that you are looking. But most important, I do not want you to miss out on online dating. Thirty million singles a month are using online dating in the U.S. according to the latest independent research. You can partake of this smorgasbord of possibilities right there at your computer. Spend time each day and work two sites.
As of this writing, match.com, seniorpeoplemeet.com and primesingles.net are the most popular sites as measured by number of unique visitors for this age group. And they number in the millions so your odds of meeting someone great have never been better. In addition to these sites, there are more specialized sites that have growing numbers of over-45s like BigChurch.com for Christians and Jdate.com if you’re Jewish.
All the Program of Three rules still apply. Because there are fewer single men, older women have to be more proactive than younger women. It is best to browse the guys and electronically ‘wink’ at or e-mail ones you are interested in right at the get-go. You can then be a bit more passive and let them work at courting you. This particular pattern will really show you who is interested.
Cautions
If you are going to be sexually active, make sure you use condoms and dental dams. Boomers are often naïve when it comes to the reality of HIV, which can be transmitted through both intercourse and oral sex. The AARP study cited above showed that only 39 percent of those who were having regular sex used protection. And the number of AIDS cases in women aged 50+ is growing, because thinner vaginal walls are more susceptible to tears. Remember, safe sex can still be great sex.
Dr. Diana’s Tips for Over 45s
- Counter negative self-talk with affirmations about the advantages of being older
- Get out there and date even if you’re just divorced or widowed It’s OK to derive comfort from compassionate guys. Plus the sooner you get out there, the sooner you move on.
- Consider younger as well as older guys
- Youthify—make sure you exercise regularly
- Use anger as fuel for your Love in 90 Days Program. Initially thinking about how sorry your ex will be when he sees how fantastic you have become can fuel your rebirth.
- Be more proactive in flirting with men off- and online
- Once you graduate to having sex, make sure it is safe until he is HIV tested
You now have four tools for overcoming obstacles regarding your age and turning them into opportunities for personal growth and the cultivation of love. You can learn much more about how over-45s can find true love by subscribing to my Dating Tips & Relationship Advice Newsletter, absolutely FREE! Click Here to get started now.
Diana Kirschner, Ph.D. is a frequent guest psychologist on The Today Show & best-selling author of the new relationship advice book, “Sealing the Deal: The Love Mentor’s Guide to Lasting Love” and the best-seller “Love in 90 Days” (dating advice book). Connect with Dr. Diana through her FREE relationship & dating advice newsletter.
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