Dating Advice for Women Series

Today is the first day of the  Chinese Year of the Dragon— A year of good fortune and a great time to take action and make your dreams come true.  Most auspicious!  A fantastic time to make simple changes that lead to big and wonderful life transformations.

So I wanted to share this inspirational email that Joanne, a woman who was in our Love Mentoring program, wrote to her Mentor:

“I’m writing to share my GREAT news with you! Mike and I GOT ENGAGED last Tuesday night in Walt Disney World (my happiest place on Earth, next to wherever I am with him!). He chartered a private yacht and while the Wishes fireworks were going over Cinderella’s castle, he proposed to me in such a romantic way. It was everything I could have ever dreamed! We are planning a June wedding. We also just purchased a townhome and are moving in soon.

This past Thursday was one year since we met for coffee. And he wanted me to make sure I told you that it was one of the photos I wore red (remember you told me this was a good color to wear?) and had professionally done, that made him contact me! I had told him about Love Mentoring and remember well our great phone sessions. I wanted to make sure I told you and to of course, thank you so much! Please do pass this along to Dr. Diana.”

The interesting thing about Joanne’s email is it shows how a simple change can make all the difference in your life!  Research shows that men rate women who wear red as more attractive.   And also, they are drawn to women who show an hourglass figure.  So Joanne’s Love Mentor asked her to wear a red scoop top in her online dating photos.  He also asked her to have them professionally done (but not so they looked posed.)

Just taking your time to create a really good online dating photo like Joanne did is a very powerful thing to do.  I know, I know, it seems like it requires too much time and energy, and maybe like it is a pain in your you-know-what to get new photos.  And you may feel like you ALWAYS look lousy in them.  (But, believe me, everyone, and I mean everyone can get at least one good photo!!!).  Get yourself a good red top or dress with a scoop neck that shows some décolletage.  Then either have a friend who is a good photographer take at least 100 shots of you, or go to a professional photographer and have some casual shots taken.  Make sure to wear some makeup, smile warmly and make eye contact with the camera (research shows that women who do that are rated as more attractive by men).

Just take a little time and do it and see what a difference it makes in the number and quality of guys you are meeting online.  You will be very pleasantly surprised.  This year of the Dragon may turn out to be one of the best years of your life.

And if you would like to have a free 40 minute coaching session by phone or Skype with your very own Love Mentor, where you can talk about improving your online photo or anything else that is urgent in your love life, just click here and fill out the form.

Wishing you love,

Dr. Diana

Diana Kirschner, Ph.D. is a frequent guest psychologist on The Today Show & author of the highly acclaimed relationship advice book, “Sealing the Deal: The Love Mentor’s Guide to Lasting Love” as well as the best-selling dating advice book, “Love in 90 Days.” Dr. Diana’s revolutionary work is the basis of her PBS Special on love and dating. Connect with Dr. Diana through her FREE Relationship Tips and Dating Advice Newsletter.

I am honored to be presenting with luminaries like Dr. Bernie Siegel  &  Marci Shimoff and many other great minds in this not-to-be-missed Relationship Resolution Telesummit!!!!  Check it out and get yourself registered!

What if you could have a deeper, more meaningful and joyful relationship?

What if you could be rid of fear in your relationships? 

And what if you could Kindle that “crazy-in-love” feeling & keep it going for YEARS!

My colleague, Lisa Wasoski, has created an absolutely amazing line-up of top experts, authors and visionaries who have come together to co-create The Relationship Resolution TeleSummit, beginning Tuesday, January 17th. And I’m on the panel!  So, reserve your spot:

Read More/ Register

 Wishing you love,

Dr. Diana

Diana Kirschner, Ph.D. is a frequent guest psychologist on The Today Show & author of the highly acclaimed relationship advice book, “Sealing the Deal: The Love Mentor’s Guide to Lasting Love” as well as the best-selling dating advice book, “Love in 90 Days.” Dr. Diana’s revolutionary work is the basis of her PBS Special on love and dating. Connect with Dr. Diana through her FREE Relationship Tips and Dating Advice Newsletter.

Are you in a rocky relationship?  Feeling resentful, anxious, distant, or lonely in your situation?  Whether you have been dating two months or married 10 years, things can go south all too easily in a couple.  Yet there is nothing quite as painful as when things are falling apart, when you know that your love might be lost forever.  Can I turn it all around, you wonder?  Is it even possible now?

Well I have great news for you.  It is possible.  If you have the courage to go for it.  All you need is to follow my three simple steps and you can become super happy with your partner.  Here is the three-step secret sauce, adapted from my new paperback, Sealing the Deal: The Love Mentor’s Guide to Lasting Love. It’s on sale now and comes with 30 awesome bonus gifts which you can claim at www.lovein90days.com/your-bonus-gifts

1.   Identify what I call your Relationship-Killer Beliefs.  These are beliefs like, “All men are jerks,” which kick in when you are in love that cause you to go on emotional rants in your mind instead of dealing with what is actually happening. Let’s look at a Relationship-Killer belief in action described in an email that Joanne, one of my readers recently sent me:

Dear Dr. Diana,

Sealing the Deal just saved my relationship. I was ready to break up with my boyfriend of 10 months because he was recently divorced and not meeting my emotional needs. I was out of town for the holidays and contemplating if this would be the last time we would be together. When I got to his house he had a big smile on his face and was so loving… but that wasn’t good enough for me. I had to punish him for all the times he wasn’t loving so I was standoffish.

  While sitting next to him watching the football game, I began reading your book, Sealing the Deal. I had already read Love in 90 Days. I read for several hours while completely ignoring his love and advances, something I’m always complaining that he doesn’t give me enough of. I finally got to the killer beliefs.  I had killer belief #5 “This is not exactly right.” and #6 “Relationships mean that one person has to give him- or her-self up”. But what really hit home was the research that unhappy couples discount their mate’s actions because they don’t think they have good intentions. BINGO! That has been me all the way. I want my boyfriend to behave a certain way and when he does, instead of encouraging him and being happy, I punish him because he wasn’t doing it all along! I am so thankful that he has loved me enough to not throw me out on my butt.  The first light bulb just came on! Because of all my killer beliefs in action we went to bed with a little tension between us. I kept laying there thinking, Joanne, you are so blowing it here. I also kept thinking negatively about my boyfriend lying right next to me and all he doesn’t do.  

2. After you have identified your Killer Beliefs, like Joanne did, journal about them and compare them to what is truly going on in your relationship. Let’s continue with her breakthrough story.

I got up about 3 a.m. because I couldn’t sleep because of a sudden head cold. I took your book into the kitchen with me and read it while getting some cold medicine. I wrote down my Killer beliefs and then made out a long list of all the great loving things my boyfriend had done.  I felt freed of an enormous burden.

 3. Create what I call a Love Intention, which is a one statement affirmation about the kind of super happy relationship you would like to create. If it feels right, also help create one for your partner. Let’s see how Joanne did it:

Then I got to the part about creating a Love Intention and focusing on what you “want” instead of what you don’t have. I created the love intention, “Jon and I have an exciting, fulfilling, growing, passionate, and nurturing relationship.” I kept meditating on this. When I got a negative thought about my boyfriend, I pushed it aside and mentally repeated the intention. Then I decided to make one for my boyfriend who is always trying to explain to me that he loves me but he needs his man time. I went back to bed.

 When we woke up I told him about my love intention and that anytime I had a negative thought about him or our relationship that I am going to meditate on my intention instead of what I don’t have. Then I told him that I created one for him to which he quickly replied, “You can’t do that.” But then I said,” Just hear it. I told him that the the love intention I created for him was, “Joanne and I have a growing relationship that is balanced with the perfect amount of togetherness and independence.” He loved it! He only wanted to add one thing. He said put “happy” in there so that it would read “a growing and happy relationship.” He kept saying it over and over until he memorized it. Then he said, “That really empowers me.”

 The rest of the morning was beautiful. We talked in bed. He made me breakfast. I put on cute clothes, fixed my hair, and put on a little makeup (something he likes). He told me I was so sexy. He was so attentive and loving (what I want). He asked me if I wanted to workout with him at my gym tomorrow (he’s hasn’t asked me that in 4 months).  When I was leaving he gave me a big hug and told me he’d call me later to see if I needed anything for my cold. Diana…. everything I wanted just materialized by making a shift in my thinking which came from following your book. I now realize that my man isn’t the problem, I am the problem! Over analyzing, being negative, and pushing him away.  I am so thankful to your book and that I picked it up and started reading it at just the right time. If not, I would have let this good man go.

So there you have it.   Use these three simple steps, Identifying your Relationship-Killer Beliefs; Journaling about them and what is happening in your relationship; and creating a Love Intention for you (and possibly your partner).  Then go ahead and enjoy your super happy love!

For more on Relationship-Killer beliefs, how to go from casual to committed, and how to move from love problems to solutions that deepen any love relationship (even after cheating), pick up a copy of Sealing the Deal: The Love Mentor’s Guide to Lasting Love.  It’s on sale now and comes with 30 awesome bonus gifts which you can claim at www.lovein90days.com/your-bonus-gifts

Wishing you love,

Dr. Diana

Diana Kirschner, Ph.D. is a frequent guest psychologist on The Today Show & author of the highly acclaimed relationship advice book, “Sealing the Deal: The Love Mentor’s Guide to Lasting Love” as well as the best-selling dating advice book, “Love in 90 Days.” Dr. Diana’s revolutionary work is the basis of her PBS Special on love and dating. Connect with Dr. Diana through her FREE Relationship Tips and Dating Advice Newsletter.

Dating Advice for Women

Next week is the blast-off for the paperback version of Sealing the Deal!!!!  30 Free bonus gifts are available if you buy it this week!   Click here for details.

To celebrate I will be speaking and signing copies of Sealing the Deal and Love in 90 Days at two  fun free events in NYC.  In addition to other self help gurus, both will have editors and literary agents there also!  Please let anyone who could benefit know about them.  And folks need to come early, as the events will be filled up very quickly. xoxo Diana

 Change Your Life: A New Year’s Resolution Book Panel

Strand Book Store, Tue Jan 10  at 7pm.828 Broadway (at 12th St)

(212) 473-1452strandbooks.com

Subway: L, N, Q, R, 4, 5, 6 to 14th St–Union SqGet directions

Critics’ Picks: The Five Best Events this Thu 29-Wed 11

Shapiro, the author of Unhooked: How to Quit Anything, brings together distinguished and varied panelists A.J. Jacobs, Diana Kirschner, Kate Hartson, Wendy Sherman, Frederick Woolverton and Tony Lyons to put audience members on the path of achieving “everything  they  want.”

http://www.strandbooks.com/index.cfm/fuseaction/event.show/ID/0fc76046-555b-47a6-972e-b62790d790f0

SPEED-SHRINKING FOR THE NEW YEAR

Wednesday, January 11 at 7:00pm

It’s hard to find a great new shrink and in this economy, many New Yorkers can’t afford psychotherapy. At this fun, free “speed shrinking” soiree you can speed date with top Manhattan mental health professionals to look for a new guru or just to get smart advice about something that’s bothering you. Whether you need an addiction specialist, a sex therapist, a Jungian astrologer, a gay/lesbian expert or a marriage mentor, this stellar line-up of licensed therapists will guide you towards better karma in the days to come. Refreshments and treats will be served.

• Frederick Woolverton, Ph.D., author of Unhooked & founder of the Village Institute for Psychotherapy
• Psychologist Diana Kirschner, author of the new book Sealing the Deal and Love in 90 Days
• Long Island–based acclaimed Jungian astrologer Robert Cook
• Jungian psychotherapist Sherene Schostak, author of Surviving Saturn’s Return: Overcoming the Most Tumultuous Time of Your Life
• Upper East Side–based sex therapist Cathy Beaton, M.S.
• Dr. Robert F. Scherma, a Village psychologist who works with both LGBT and straight patients
• Diane Spear, family counselor and psychotherapist
• Sherry Amatenstein, licensed clinical social worker and relationship author of The Complete Marriage Counselor
• Upper West Side psychiatrist and psycho-pharmalcoogist Sheri Sprit

PLUS! LITERARY GURUS: Agent Ryan Harbage, NAL book editor Danielle Perez, Marie Claire editor Elise Nersesian-Sole, Out editor Jerry Portwood, and Frisky.com editor Ami Angelowicz, and literary agents Ryan Harbage and Kimberly Perel (editor of the upcoming anthology Wedding Cake for Breakfast).

The whole event is MC’d by neurotic comedians Royal Young and Libby Segal.  Here is the link:

http://www.housingworks.org/events/detail/speed-shrinking-for-the-new-year-with-susan-shapiro

 ♥Dating Tips & Relationship Advice from My Heart to Yours♥

Diana Kirschner, Ph.D. is a frequent guest psychologist on The Today Show & author of the highly acclaimed relationship advice book, “Sealing the Deal: The Love Mentor’s Guide to Lasting Love” as well as the best-selling dating advice book, “Love in 90 Days.” Dr. Diana’s revolutionary work is the basis of her PBS Special on love and dating. Connect with Dr. Diana through her FREE Relationship Tips and Dating Advice Newsletter.

Dating Advice for Women

This dating advice for women blog is an interview with one of our awesome professional Love Mentors®, Tamara Green, LCSW. She is licensed in New York State as a Certified Social Worker and a member of the National Association of Social Workers for 23 years. Tamara’s background and training in mental health, certified hypnotherapy, and belief management allows her to employ powerful techniques such as hypnosis, guided meditation, and experiential exercises as a dating coach.  Nationally recognized, she lectures, and facilitates teleconference groups and workshops.  Now here is an interview with Tamara on how to be irresistibly attractive to guys:

Can you be attractive without being a size 4 or over age 35?

Absolutely! I have a wonderful Love Mentee, ‘Sally,’ who is about 50lbs overweight and in her 50’s. Almost every man she meets asks her out, she’s so appealing. In the last year, 4 men have asked her for an exclusive relationship. This is someone who had trouble getting even one date. Now she’s a dating queen!

How did your Love Mentee do that?

She certainly didn’t start off as a man magnet. When she began Love Mentoring®, she had a host of negative self talk about her looks, her weight, her age and even her health issues. She would say things to me like, “I’m too unattractive to men”, “Men want thinner women”, “I’m too old”, “No man wants a woman with a back problem”…….. I explained to her that she was operating from a very negative identity when she had these thoughts. So, the first order of business was to create an identity that was beautiful, fantastic and very alluring to men. In Love Mentoring, we call this the Diamond Self Identity.

News Flash:  Tune into Tamara as she is interviewed on the nuts and bolts of how to become irresistibly attractive to men on our Love in 90 Days- Blogtalk radio show, live on December 20!   (And archived thereafter!)  To listen, Click Here!

Can you talk more about this “Diamond Self Identity?”

Sure, helping people identify and access their Diamond Self is something I am very passionate about. What I’m talking about here is our true identity that we all have, otherwise known as our Higher Self or our True Self – it’s who we really are. We are all born as this Diamond Self being – so alive, passionate, curious, appreciative and compassionate, to name a few. But what happens over the years is that we have these experiences which cause us to believe certain things about ourselves, often times negative beliefs. These negative beliefs then become something that we identify with so much, we believe that THAT is who we really are. For instance, Sally really believed that she was very unattractive and that men wouldn’t be interested in her. She was operating from the identity of “Unattracttive Sally”, which, of course, made her feel terrible – really low. Through her “inner work” with me, she was able to realize that she wasn’t unattractive at all. In fact, I remember her saying, “Wait a minute, there really are some very attractive things about me – my eyes, my smile, my hair!” I knew that she was getting it. So, she replaced her “I am too unattractive to men” thought/belief and switched to “Men find me very attractive.”, which made her feel great! She then crafted her Diamond Self Name.

The Diamond Self Name?

Yes. In Love Mentorng®, we have a wonderful exercise called the Diamond Self Exercise. It helps you to access your True Self. What’s really fun is that you get to give your Diamond Self a name, a really grand name.  Sally’s is ‘Luscious and Alluring Venus.’ Isn’t that great?! Saying that name always makes me smile, as should any Diamond Self Name. So now, she doesn’t leave her home as “Unattractive Sally” any longer. She struts out of her door as Luscious and Alluring Venus (LAV)!!! You can even hear the difference in her voice. LAV has a great energy to her!!

Before, you mentioned “Inner Work”. Can you explain that?

Sure. Inner work is the deep, emotional work. It’s about self love.  If you can imagine that your Diamond Self is a helium balloon. This balloon is light and very floaty, always moving up, up, up. Well, whenever we have a negative belief, a complaint, a resentment, a guilt, etc, it becomes a tiny hole in that balloon. What happens over the years is that the balloon becomes more and more deflated. The Inner Work is patching up those holes, those leaks, so that the balloon can mend and heal and fly up, up, up again – as it was originally intended. I strongly believe that my purpose in life to help mend these leaks for people, so that they can live the life of their dreams. Now, that’s inner work. There’s also something called Outer Work.

Tell us about Outer Work.

Outer Work is all of the stuff we do to look good on the outside, which always us feel better about ourselves in the inside. Sally, for instance, wasn’t wearing makeup, jewelry or updated and trendy clothes. When she went food shopping, she looked frumpy in her sweats and T-shirt. Even at work, she didn’t wear make-up or jewelry. Sally has gorgeous thick long brown hair that she wore in a ponytail. I had her go to a salon and get a trendy cut. Now her hair is free, soft and flowy and the whispy bangs frame her face beautifully. She is back to wearing a little mascara and lip gloss and a little jewelry. I had her promise me not to wear the sweats out of her house, and now she walks into the supermarket and dry cleaners in nice jeans or simple dresses. She looks younger, feels younger and, of course, feels so much better about herself. She told me that she used to avoid mirrors. Now when she looks in the mirror, she is pleasantly surprised by how good she looks.

News Flash:  Tune into dating & relationship coach Tamara as she is interviewed on dating advice for women–how to become irresistibly attractive on our Love in 90 Days- Blogtalk radio show, live on December 20!   (And archived thereafter!)  To listen, Click Here!

Sally has really done some great Inner and Outer Work! Now, how does she actually meet these great guys?

Great question. Every where she goes, she now sees herself as the LAV. She does her Diamond Self Exercise before she walks out the door and reminds herself who she really is. Now that she has accessed her Diamond Self, she operates from that identity in everything that she does. Sally’s amazing. She uses every opportunity to meet men. For instance, Sally does a lot of travel in the U.S. for her job. One day, she was walking into a restaurant and this man was walking in at the same time. Seeing that he was alone, she very brightly said, “Hi, how are you today?!”. The surprised man warmly smiled back and said, “Much better now!” He quickly asked if they could sit together. They had a great meal together, laughing and telling stories of their travels. They have now been dating for 2 months, and I might add he’s very smitten with her, too.

Why do men find women who operate from their Diamond Selves so irresistible?

Who can resist someone who really likes who they are? Not in a conceited way, but really likes their own company. Men can tell right away that she has great energy, really has fun in her life and has so much to offer. Men want to be loved just as much as women do. Who could love them better than someone who loves herself and her life. Also, men are hardwired to help make their partner happy. They are happy when their partner is happy. I hear it all of the time from men, “I just want her to be happy”. Most men feel that way. So, when a men meets a woman who is already happy to be who she is, he can relax and just enjoy her and not feel any pressure to help her become happy.

Thank you, Tamara! You can get your own one-on-one free 40 minute Love Mentoring® Session with Tamara  by phone or Skype! Just click here  & fill out the form, requesting Tamara.  Hurry–her time will fill up quickly!

Tune into Tamara as she is interviewed on our Love in 90 Days- Blogtalk radio show, live on December 20!   (And archived thereafter!)  To listen,Click Here!

“How To Be Irresistibly Attractive (Without Being Thinner Or Younger)” -The dating advice for women interview with Love Mentor® Tamara Green

DATE: Tuesday, December 20, 2011      TIME: 5:00 pm Pacific/8:00pm Eastern for one hour

COST: No charge  JOIN US LIVE VIA: Telephone, Skype, and Replay Access-Click Here For Details

     In this free dating advice for women seminar you will discover . . .

• How your negative beliefs can make you unattractive -
• How positive beliefs can make you GORGEOUS -
• How to present your best self -
• How to love yourself, just the way you are now -
• How to identify your True or Diamond Self -
• How to operate from that Diamond Self to attract men -
• Why men find women who operate from their Diamond Self irresistible

Please interact with us live during the show by visiting:  Facebook.com/DrDianaKirschner
Twitter.com/drdiana or Blog Talk Radio Chat

Thank you, Tamara, for your wise words and dating advice for women. If you would like a free 40-minute love mentoring session  by phone or Skype with Tamara, click hereor go to www.lovein90days.com/coaching and ask for Tamara on the form. For more information about this and future Love Mentoring® Seminars please visit-
http://www.lovementoring.com

Wishing you love,

Dr. Diana

♥Dating Tips & Relationship Advice from My Heart to Yours♥

Diana Kirschner, Ph.D. is a frequent guest psychologist on The Today Show & author of the highly acclaimed relationship advice book, “Sealing the Deal: The Love Mentor’s Guide to Lasting Love” as well as the best-selling dating advice book, “Love in 90 Days.” Dr. Diana’s revolutionary work is the basis of her PBS Special on love and dating for over 50s. Connect with Dr. Diana through her FREE Relationship Tips and Dating Advice Newsletter.