We all practice relationship sabotage. My own tendency is to make everything all about me. Especially when my husband and I argue or misunderstand each other. My worst habit that tended to undermine our love was my own tendency to think from a self-centered universe. And most of my paranoia was a re-creation of the traumas I had experienced as an unwanted little girl, growing up in an alcoholic family. If my husband was distant, I would think, He doesn’t care about me. Or I am invisible. Or, one of my self-sabotaging, gloom and doom favorites—I am just not attractive anymore. My relationship sabotage was rooted in “It’s all about me.”
But when I got my head out of my ego and noticed him—what was really going on with him—it was a very different story. He was really worried about money. Or struggling with getting older or losing his edge. Or worrying about business challenges. It was actually about him! I was shocked.
The whole trick was to get out of my own little box of miserable self-talk so that I could focus on my husband. This is accomplished through what I call Soulmate Listening. For me it’s like finally getting out of a crushing pair of Spanx!
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Soulmate Listening is deepened in silence. It is in silence, when you are paying full attention to your partner, that you really get him or her. You can see the things you don’t normally see. You can see the new worry lines. Or the new crinkle lines from laughter. You can see how he or she brings you a cup of coffee in such a sweet way. Or look into his or her eyes and feel your partner’s soul. If you are really in stillness, just for an instant or two, you can feel beyond what he or she is saying and doing and experience the real love and benevolent intentions your partner has for you.
There are whole books written about letting love in. Sometimes this is harder than anything. This week I suggest you try pausing and listening to your partner. Be attentive and receptive to what is really going on. Try for just a minute or two each day to be in a state of Soulmate Listening and receptivity. You will deepen your stillness, your peace and experience the beautiful connection that can be there for you and your partner.
For more on how to end relationship sabotage and kindle lasting passionate love get a copy of my brand new relationship book, 30 Days to Love: The Ultimate Relationship Turnaround Guide on sale for less than the cost of a latte!
Wishing you love,